Anna, Susan, Sandra, Sis, and Me 2.

“You don’t have to explain, Susan. We are adults and I think we should be able to handle it. You know I love my sister very much and if the two of you are happy together, I’m happy.”

“Please, I need to do this. I need to pick up the pieces and sort out my life. I’ve been keeping a lot of things to myself and maybe I should have faced it before, but… God, it’s difficult. Your sister is the first person I’ve told and she–she made me realise that I have to, you know, get it out in the open and face it. I need you to know what happened. I need you to understand.”

Martin could tell from the look on her face that this was no time to joke about their break. This was not about her and him; it was about her–her and perhaps Sis.

“Okay, Susan. But don’t feel you have to explain because of me. I know from Sis how hard it can be to suddenly wake up and be different.”

Susan sighed, took a deep breath and opened her mouth as if she would say something, but nothing came out. After a couple of deep inhalations she tried again.

“When I was fifteen, Dad walked out on us. He’d found a younger woman and followed her to the other side of the world, literally: they moved to Australia. You already know that. You also know that Mum had a nervous breakdown and I moved in with my sister and brother-in-law, Conrad.”

Martin nodded.

“At first everything was fine. Conrad was so nice to me. He always told me how pretty I was, he bought me nice clothes, and treated me like a princess. I guess I was flattered by all the attention he was giving me. He behaved so different from the boys I knew.”

“I don’t really know how it went from there, but all of a sudden Conrad wanted something in return. He had plenty of reasons and he was so convincing: I owed it to him because he let me stay with them, my sister was unwilling in bed after I’d moved in, I’d been leading him on and flirting with him, and so on. In the beginning he wanted to teach me how to have oral sex. I… didn’t like the taste of his cum, but he forced me to taste it and later swallow it. I couldn’t say no. I believed him. I believed that I’d encouraged him.”

“Why didn’t you tell your sister?”

“My sister and I have never been close and I was afraid she would believe her husband and not me. Besides, it was my fault. He’d made me feel it was me, wanting it. I… I was ashamed. Even now I…”

“Jesus, Susan. He used you.”

“I can see that now but back then… I was different. I was venerable.”

“Did he force you to blow him all the time you lived with them?”

“That was only the beginning. He kept telling me that I was beautiful and sexy and all. He was so good at making me feel loved when my sister was around, but he became more and more demanding when we were alone. With my sister being a nurse it happened pretty frequently. I wasn’t on the pill, so he decided that it was a good idea to teach me another way to avoid pregnancy. It hurt so badly the first time. I was completely unprepared and he just forced his cock into me. He sodomised me.”

Susan had to stop and inhale deeply a couple of times to regain control of her voice. Martin felt it was best not to interrupt her.

“After the first time I went to the doctor and got on the pill. I… I asked Conrad to deflower me the next day. I’d thought that the first time was going to be romantic and with someone I really loved.”

She paused again. Tears were running down her cheeks. Martin wanted to put his arms around her and hold her, but he wasn’t sure that was what she wanted him to do. From what she had already told him he suddenly understood why she had been so cold in bed and so emotionally shallow. If every touch reminded her. No, he would not put his arms around her.

“He continued to use my… to sodomise me from time to time and I also had to blow him, but most of the time he would just fuck me. I tried to make him fuck me. I didn’t like that either, but there was no physical pain. He liked to hold my head with both hands and… Like he was fucking me really hard, only using my mouth. It was… it sometimes felt as if I was going to suffocate.”

“Why didn’t you tell somebody? Why didn’t you tell your sister?”

“I… he had convinced me that I was the one who had made it happen. I was asking him to fuck me.” Martin was about to say something, but she stopped him. “No, I was! And I was… ashamed. My sister resented the idea of me living with them. Conrad was kind to me; he protected me when my sister tried to put me down. If it hadn’t been for Conrad I would have ended in some institution or a foster family. She tried to send me away several times and if it hadn’t been for Conrad she would have done it.”

“He abused you and you are defending him.”

“No, I’m not, but that was the way I saw it back then!”

Susan broke down in tears and this time Martin put his arms around her.

“I’m sorry, Susan. I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s… I want to kick Conrad’s balls so far up his arse that he will talk like he’s a member of The Vienna Boys Choir for the rest of his life.”

Susan felt more comfortable in his arms than she had ever done in a man’s arms. It was different now. Martin would never try to do anything, now that she was living with Sis. She was safe.

“I can see now why my sister wanted me out of the house. He had been cheating on her before and I’m sure he’s still doing it. My sister knew, we all knew. But Conrad was so convincing. I believed him. I couldn’t… I was weak and unable to see what was happening.”

“For how long?”

“I stayed there for three months.”

“And then he stopped bothering you?”

“He called a couple of times after I moved back to Mum. He wanted to invite me over, but Mum had my sister’s schedules and he couldn’t explain why I should come and visit them when my sister was at work.”

“Your sister knew.”

“I don’t know. Back then, it never occurred to me that she knew. I… I can’t make myself believe that she knew, but she depends on him. They’re well off, but it’s his money. Maybe…”

Susan’s voice failed her again.

“We have to do something about that bastard. We could…”

Susan interrupted Martin.

“No, please. I need to deal with this my own way. I’ve only just begun to understand what happened and I have to put it behind me. Then I can start thinking about what to do with him–with all of it.”

“It’s your choice, but if there’s anything I can do, I will.”

Martin’s rage was genuine but so naďve. Susan couldn’t help smiling. His childishness was so charming. Perhaps that was why she had felt that he was safe to be with, that it would be different with him; that she could forget.

“You’ve listened to me. That was what I needed.”