Mom And The Sappho Experiment

I was young when Mark and I got pregnant with Kelsey. We were both only 18 and Mark was in college and things were like a nightmare. It was 1975 and we were already in hot water with our parents for being followers of the dying”free love” ideology. But we were far from hippies and neither of us had ever experienced any of this “free love” until the next he and I went to far and wound up with a baby. Gratefully, Mark was brilliant and swept through college without delay and got a job with a blossoming computer firm that was just starting out in San Diego. By the time Kelsey was nine we had two cars and a three bedroom duplex and hadn’t suffered in our marriage in the least to get it. We weren’t much for hippy concepts by then. I was a girl guide leader and Mark coached a local little league team. So when Aaron came along it was with no uncertainty that we knew we had stumbled into middle class security and no more talked about those early days and “experimentation”. Frankly…not much else other than devotion appealed to me by that point and suburbia wasn’t so bad.

Kelsey was not your average girl. She somehow seemed to have inherited that subtle hippy mindset underneath her bubbly exterior. Save the Whales and Save the ozone. “MOM!! Don’t you know that’s animal flesh?!?!?” Two months later she was eating cheeseburgers again.

We tried not to smother her radical ideas as they came and went and we hoped she — like us — would just sort of smooth into the texture of responsibility. And so when she stopped wearing gaudy make up and started looking cute again…starting getting grades for the first time since grade 6 we were relieved. She graduated top of her high school class and was accepted to UCLA with a partial scholarship. Paying her tuition and room & board was going to be tight with a growing boy in the house…but we knew it was worthwhile. Every time she visited from college she seemed different. In all her life she’d never had short hair but she finally got it cut short and curly and her dark hair set off the blue contacts she wore. “I just wear them sometimes…don’t you wish sometimes you had blue eyes?” she asked, all dimples. Sigh….yes, I suppose there were many times I had. She had certainly grown into an attractive young woman…certainly moreso any taller than five foot four but she’d also inherited my figure and took great care of it. At the end of her second year before exams she came home homesick and studied in her old room. It was sorta of nice to have her home but in all honesty the more she was around the more I noticed how she was her own person and I couldn’t mother her any longer. It struck me shortly after that while she would always be my daughter she was now a woman and I wondered what her sex life was like. Was she “doing it?” OH GOD! I hoped she wasn’t….I hoped she was staying a virgin forever. So when she next came home from school i found myself unable to keep from asking. “Are you dating anyone,” I inquired as we pealed potatoes at the kitchen sink. She smiled and looked around for her father. “Maybe.” “Maybe?” I asked. “Are you going to make me pry?” “But you do it so well,” she giggled. “I mean…I’ve been thinking….worried actually…are you…sexually active…?” She smiled chopping the potato into pieces and taking the one from my hand. “Well…depends….” “On what?” I asked confused. “You either are or aren’t.” Kelsey looked around again for her father. “Well…I mean I’ve had my boyfriends…nothing serious…but…” “But….now yer driving me crazy.” “But I do it so well,” she giggled. I kept pealing thinking I would just wait until she made my worst thoughts come to life. “Well…I’m seeing someone…” she said mysteriously…”but not in the way you might think…its a different kind of person…” “Oh God…he’s not married is he?” I gasped. She giggled. “Cold mom…very cold.” “Older? A teacher?” my eyes widened. “Still cold,” she smiled. “Is he black…you know we don’t care about that…” “ICY,” she leaned on her hands against the countertop. “I give up….uncle….who is he?” She looked once more for Mark. “Well…he…..is a she.” I dropped the potato and it thudded on the aluminum sink. “Another girl?” I whispered. God..the idea almost seemed silly…Kelsey…with….some….lesbian…. “You’re gay?!?” I gasped putting my hand to my mouth. She shook her head.”No…no…I’m not gay…calm down please…shit…there was no way to tell you but I thought I just wouldn’t until you asked.”

I sat down at the table. “How can you not be gay…and be…” “It’s not like that,” she smiled as she took a chair. “We’re not like in love or anything. I consider myself quite heterosexual…I just…I dunno…wanted to…experiment…you know…haven’t you…I mean didn’t you….back in the seventies…all that free love…” I shook my head. “Well,” I looked around. “I suppose it had come up…but we weren’t really hippies…and things were dying out by then…I mean…” “Well…its just a thing…you know…she’s pretty…we get along…we just want to try stuff out…GOD!” she blushed. “This is more embarrassing than I thought it would be. “I mean….” I stammered. “have you two…you know…GOD!” I smiled and blushed. “You have!!!” I was full of panic and nervousness and wished I’d never brought up the subject. I whispered to her, “GOD! Don’t tell your dad…he’ll just keel over I promise you!” My mind started thinking about…imagining it compulsively. GOD! It was terribly arousing and frightening at the same time. NOT MY Kelsey!!! “What does she look like?” I asked. Kelsey pulled a small coin pouch from her jeans and pulled a small phot from it. “It’s not like we love one another that way or anything…uhm…her name’s Mellie…she’s a freshman too…” The picture shook in my fingers and I was still giggling and shaking my head. The girl was adorable and even looked a bit like she could be Kelsey’s sister if she had one. “She’s pretty,” I giggled. “I’m glad you’re taking this so well,” Kelsey laughed with me. “What’s so funny?” “Oh…you know….just being old like me…and well…you know we never thought about gay-not-gay and here you are…God! You really do it??? I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s just that it’s so…” “Fascinating,” Kelsey answered. “Well,” I paused. “yeah…I guess it is. You know when we were young….that was so….unspeakable…but you know…I had my thoughts…I wasn’t a total square….but there’s a big jump from that to this!” I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “God…now I can;t stop thinking about it…” I giggled. “Sorry…didn’t mean to spoil your imagination.” “Well…let’s just try to keep this under our hats and you let me know how things go…I mean..sorry…I meant…” I giggled. “I know what you mean mom,” kelsey smiled. She opened her arms to hug me. The thought just wasn’t the same now. Not with these images in my head. I hugged her and felt something sexual from the core of the entire episode. “Let’s finish the potatoes,” I said moving away and back to the counter.

Kelsey came home for the summer and brought home what I most feared — not a “girlfriend”…but her…sexuality. I had spent the four weeks leading up to her return trying desperately to get the image of her and Mellie out of my mind….and not having much success. Part of me was disgusted…part of me was fascinated…another part frightened…and another part aroused. So when she took into her old room and got a job at the library nearby I dread the whole thought of being around her while all I could think about her was…THAT.. But my curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to ask so many questions….filthy questions I could hardly bring myself to say aloud to myself let alone my daughter. As fate would have it…she seemed to sense this after a few weeks and the first chance we got that Mark and Aaron were gone to a ballgame,she brought it up. I had been finishing off the linens when she sat on the bed in our room and boldly said, “You seem more…I dunno distant around me…is it because of the thing with Mellie? That’s over…I mean we’re friends but…I mean…we aren’t doing anything any more.” I was relieved to hear it…and strangely…a bit startled. “Well…honestly…I didn’t have a real problem with it. Actually if I had a problem it was that I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I mean you’re my daughter but it just…you know…” I blushed. “Really?” she smiled. “That’s sorts weird but its cool that you can admit it…I mean that’s how I started thinking about it was when I found out one of my friends was.” “Which one?” I asked. “Remember Helen at the rec center? She was experimenting back in high school.” “Valerie’s girl…GOD! Do her parents know?” “I don’t really know her that well anymore…I haven’t talked to her since she told me…it sorta spooked me…” “But it did the same thing to you that yours did to me.” “Yeah…it got me thinking…wondering…you know…and well…Mellie and I got to be good friends and we both were thinking about it a lot and well…things just sort of happened from there.” “Well…I didn’t mean to seem distant…I’m embarrassed…I mean…getting aroused by thinking about your own daughter…and then on top of it…wondering…you know…what’s it like…I wanted to ask..but it all just seems so….secret…you know…” “Well…if you wanna know…it feels great….I mean in a sexual sort of way….psychologically too I guess…and as for the whole daughter thing…its not like its incest or something.” “What a word!’ I gasped. “It’s just that I thought once…only once mind you…if I wanted to try it…I don’t know anyone…isn’t that silly..what a thought…I don’t know any lesbians or whatever…maybe when I was young I could have found someone but now…I mean…you’re the only one I know who…you know….tried it.” Kelsey shrugged her shoulders. “Yeah I guess its not so easy…I mean things just sort of fell into our lap with Mellie and I…it is kinda weird…I could see why you would have thought that….you know…who else do I know…Mellie’s the only one….” I lost my mind and was laughing at nothing in particular….

Mark called out from downstairs. Thank God for that! Saved by the bell…what else were we going to say?!!? We’d reached a terribly embarrassing impasse.

The next morning after Mark had gone to work and Aaron was in the den watching television,Kelsey found me in the study. “Hi,” “Hi…just finishing up the bills for the month…not working today?” “Nah…switched with Natalie she wants to go to a concert tonight at the rec center. I …uh…wanted to talk to you…” “Oh?” I asked with voice and eyes. “About what you said…about you know…thinking you didn’t know anyone…you know…that you were curious…” I wasn’t sure where she was going,so my expression asked for me. “Well…I mean…it is weird…but…not that it had to be like…you know…everything…but if you just wanted to …well…test the feeling of you know…hands or something…GOD!” she blushed. The office was filled with anticipation and embarrassment. “Are you…uh…” I wasn’t laughing now…. “Are you…uhm…well…GOD! I mean I’m curious…but it just sounds…too…” “Kinky?” she giggled.’I know…me too…but I guess when I thought of it…i figured well…its just like…simulation…” I broke into hysterical laughter and Kelsey followed suit. “Sorry…I know its too weird…I just know how I felt when I was wondering about it and well…” “You feel sorry for me,” I smiled. “No…well…yeah…no…its just that you know…yer not in college anymore with kids experimenting where yer more likely to find someone….yer…” “Old?” I giggled. “No…not old…actually…you loo great…I mean I think even some of the girls I knew who WERE lesbians would even say your sexy…its just that…yer…” “Boring?” Kelsey smiled. “Well…not boring…just you live in a very protective environment…where things like that don’t happen or if they do….they are kept secret very well.” “Well,” I smiled nervously…”I appreciate the offer but maybe that’s just a bit too weird even for us hippies…” “Well…think about it…I just meant…you know…” “Simulation…isn’t that what you said?” I giggled. “Well…I’m going to meet dad for lunch n a couple of hours so.” “Make sure he doesn’t eat meat…he’s on a diet,” I instructed her.

Kelsey’s “idea” was right of left field. But to my shame…it was attempting offer. I had this bizarre mixture of scorn and lust involved with the thought. She and I even…you know…simulating touching….eeeewww! Eeewww to the incestuous concept. And a bigger Eeeeeeewwww to how much a part of me found the idea twice as depravedly attractive as just “experimenting with another woman”. GREAT! Now I had two things running through my head….arousing me and terrifying me. Kelsey having sex with another woman. Kelsey having sex with another woman…who just happened to be me. Only in my revolting flashes of sexual perversity it wasn’t just “simulated touching”. So for the next week….I had a new psycho-sexual battle to wager. Emotionally when I thought of it…incest was enough to make me vomit. I had given birth bathed and brought up this beautiful girl…she was my daughter….but without those emotional facets…the idea…from a purely carnal standpoint…was deliciously sick. To my chagrin I found the carnal side winning and found that when I was around her…I wanted to say, “okay…let’s…” Thank God I was far too cowardly!!! The following week, I started thinking about it when Mark and I made love…not the whole time…just during certain aspects…here and there….ashamed of it afterwards,but without a soul to confess to.

The morning Aaron went off to daycamp for the month of august,Kelsey brought the subject up again. I was fixing the cushions on the couch and she had come down from reading (her morning ritual). “So….about what we talked about…” she said nervously. I couldn’t tell if she was terrified I’d say yes or terrified I’d say no. What horrible thought!!! “Well,” I smiled. “Would you think horribly of me if I said I had?”I asked. “No…not at all…I uh…when I asked…I didn’t think…well…since then…” “I don’t know how I feel,” I decided to save her the embarrassment. “Truth is…I am curious…and I never thought about what you suggested as anything more than ridiculous… but…spilling my guts…there’s a dirty part of me that uh..” “Me too,” she confessed. The two of stood there digesting this uncomfortable mutual admission. Silence. “Maybe…” I started to say thinking best I stop my mouth from even saying maybe… “Maybe what…” “Maybe we can…start slow…uh…GOD!” I blushed. “Don;t be embarrassed,” Kelsey said.”I’m fine with that…” “I…uh…” trying to be mature and in control. “I’ll need you to sort of…you know…” “No problem…i mean…I’m the one who’s done…well…” Uncomfortable silence again. “So…” I asked not sure when this was supposed to happen. “So…” she smiled. “Can you sit here…on the back of the couch?” she asked. She DID mean now…oh GOD!! Was I ready for this…ready to break at least two taboos?? My fear was flavoured with the sexual tension and anticipation of the last few months….since she had first confessed her “experimentation” to me. I hesitantly rounded the couch and sat up on the back of it,my dusty jeans and tight white t-shirt suddenly feeling conspicuous….were they sexy…were they a turn off? Kelsey stood in front of me. “Well…close your eyes…that’ll make it easier for both of us I think.” GOOD IDEA. As soon as I closed my eyes half of my discomfort was gone…but then it opened up a new sense of…sexuality. I felt her finger on my shoulder. “Tell me when you get freaked out…” “You too,” I said nervously.

Her finger went round to my neck and down slowly t my chest…over my right breast to the nipple. GOD!….I tried not to react…but I couldn’t help it…it was incredibly sexual…and I was so unbelievably aroused. “Mmmmmmm,” I moaned slightly…softly. This must have been an encouragement because her palm was suddenly on my right breast and I gasped…feeling the warmth of her hand as she massaged my flesh. “GOD Kelsey…this is really turning me on…” I confessed nervously. “Me too,” she said in an airy voice. I wanted to say….let’s stop….I thought she might say it…but she didn’t. Her free hand was now cupping my left breast and together her hands started circling my heaving breasts as my breathing got deeper and more excited. The experience of being touched by another woman blended with the fact that this was my Kelsey…was……overwhelming… beyond reality!!! Her hands left my breasts and travelled over my torso and sides pulling my shirt from my jeans around the waist. “Is this too far?” Kelsey asked in a whisper. Of course it was too far…too far way back at…can you sit here… Her hands,without a headshake,pulled my shirt up over my breasts and her finger unfastened my clasp. This was suddenly moving much faster! MY breasts felt the release from confines and Kelsey’s hand cupped my right breast. Her warm mouth covered the nipple and my eyes opened as I cooed. “GOD! Kelsey….I’m….God…I feel like I’m just… Ohhhh… ” I looked down to see Kelsey, eyes closed, mouth over my nipple. My breasts felt like they were swelling. Here was my daughter, doing everything she could to turn me on, and succeeding! “Kelsey… I can’t describe it… you feel so good…. GOD… I can’t describe what you’re doing to me…” She stopped and massaged my breast with her hands rubbing the nipples skilfully between her fingers. “Me either,” she panted. Then she was right back….mouthing my right breast as she explored the other with her hand, then switching as I watched her…panting… “Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….Kelsey…can I say I’m enjoying this…” “Yer not the only one,” she muttered momentarily and then went to my right breast again,my hand on her head,my free one taking the place of her hand to cup my breast for her to suck. “Mmmmmmmmmmmmm…yeah…it feels good…you do this well…” I panted. “DO i have…attractive ones?” “They’re perfect,” she replied and returned to my left. My hands found her waist and stared pulling her turtleneck out of her jeans. Her slight moan to this let me know this was fine with her so I got it off of her as she straightened and immediately went to work at her bra. “God I can’t believe I’m doing this?” I said as I got it unfastened and pulled the cups from her ample breasts. “Me either….do you wanna stop?” she asked. “Do you?” I asked breathlessly. Neither of us answered. I leaned forward and took her breast into my mouth amazed and seduced by the sweet smell of her perfume and the smooth youth of her skin….and the forbidden suckling of another woman’s breast…and the taboo of incest. “God! MOM!” Kelsey gasped…..”Yeah….oooooooooooo…suck the nipple…” Her nipples were warm and hard and soft and delicious…and her hands were still exploring my chest and hair as I slid my mouth over her left breast. Her hands went to my waist and excitedly started undoing my jeans. In seconds she had them loosened and I stood up so that she could get them down. I yanked them off and sat back on the couch. Kelsey got her tights off from under her kilt and slid both her hands down my thighs to my briefs. her hand turned up and slid beneath the waistband and neatly down to crotch. I slid forward my butt against the couch as my shoes hit the floor. Her finger slid into me…. “Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…” I moaned as I left her, both hands on the couch bracing against her intrusion. Her free hand was getting my briefs down as her finger started exploring me deeply. “Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwdd,” I moaned…”Kelsey….mmmmmmmmmm… yeah….” “Do you like it?” she said playfully…out of breath herself. “I love it….” I panted….looking down to see her finger pumping into me…watching it as I moaned and enjoyed the feel of it. “This is really kinky,” I moaned, “but I’m really enjoying it…” “Me too,” Kelsey said as she reapproached my breasts,sucking them one-handed as her finger continued to wiggle and explore every inch of my soaked crotch….the vulva…the clitoris…the labia…the walls within… MY hands went to her rear….suddenly I was interested in her behind. I had always thought she had a great ass…but not like “that”. My hands caressed the smooth young skin and almost naturally,,,her thighs…front thighs…. then up into her. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggnnnnnnnnnn,” she moaned loudly as my finger slipped deep into her forbidden crevice. GOD! What was I doing!?!?!? But she felt so wet and warm and slickery… it just was incredible….totally different than touching myself….she was so…. “GOD MOM! I wanna do it…I’m going crazy…let’s do it…” she muttered as she pulled away. “I…” I tried to say feverishly. But she was already pulling me towards the path from the front door. “Lay down….” she said excitedly. The wood was cool and my mind was thinking straighter now without any actual stimulation. Okay…we had gone too far…now we should stop…. Kelsey straddled my body…a hand at each knee and a knee at each ear. Her hips slid apart as she lowered her crotch to my face and plunged her tongue deep into me. “Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggnnnnnnnnnnn!!!” I moaned desperately,the feel of her tongue slithering inside me too much for me to bear. “God! Kelsey! Ooooooooooooooooooo….” I could hear and feel her feasting on me,her lips sucking at me as her tongue explored into me and her hot breath panted on my pelvic area. My Knees had raised instinctively and now my mouth opened and covered her wet crotch,my tongue slipping into her forbidden folds with one thrust as I savored the feel of her insides….moist… My hands were on her thighs her hips ricking back towards me as she moaned in a high pitched voice,pausing from her feast to rub at my clit and make me moan as she panted. “Yeah…UGH! Suck me mom….ooooooooooooooooooooooo…yeah! Deeper…your tongue feels incredible….ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…..GOD!” Then her tongue lunged into me again, her mouth moving over my crotch as her finger rubbed still; at my clit. OH GOD! This was the most incredibly erotic thing I could ever have thought of even in my worst nightmare….I was loving every minute of it…aware too that afterwards….guilt… shame…GOD! We’d have to keep this a secret!! Kelsey’s hips started gyrating more quickly against my hands and my whole body felt like it was shaking as she started bringing me to climax. “God Kelsey!!!” I paused, “I’m gunna cum…” She rubbed hard at my clit sending thrills up my hips and back and her tongue probing into me as I started to churn and shove my tongue into her even more intently. But she sudden;y started yelping…her hips bucking like crazy as she straightened up,arched her back and cried out… “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWDDDD!! …MOM!” a few gasps and three more howls like the first as she climaxed at my touch. But mine came before hers started to ebb. I kept exploring her with my tongue as she rubbed my clit and then she realized I too was cumming and returned to take me there orally. We were both bucking and moaning with frantic breath and dizzy minds….our pleasure only slightly threatened in the distance with……..self-hatred.