Road to a submissive sexual lifestyle

My name is Judy Hess, but I go by the nickname Tawny. This is the story of my journey down the road to a submissive sexual lifestyle. Some is true, some not, some I imagine will occur. Whatever the case, I hope the readers will be entertained and I hope I can gain some like minded friends on the internet. I have been fooling with e-mail and chat on IRC, PowWow and other mediums for a couple of months. Due to some bad experiences I will want to avoid phone conversations and revelations of my physical location. Likewise, having had my photo widely distributed on the net, I tend to be covetous of my pic. My personal background is that I am 28 years old and have reddish brown hair, shoulder length. I am 5′ 8″ tall and weigh 135 lbs. I am somewhat thin and tend to be active and athletic. (Played basketball and on the cheerleading squad in HS (Lots of gymnastics!). Also ran on the spring track team, without much success, but I still run regularly. I like outdoors things, hiking, biking, surfing etc. I am currently “between careers” and work evenings at various businesses as a hostess or waitress etc. (Love those tips!). I like this because my days are free for the beach and outdoors. Ah, and inquiring minds always seem to want to know…. I don’t stand in front of mirrors and measure myself, but I wear a 35C bra, which I feel I fill adequately. My waist is still 25 (60 sit-ups a day). My hips are there and not fat (certainly not at 135 lbs.)

Part 1: The Desire

I met Roger at the beach one day. He seemed attractive to me, with a muscular body and a deep tan. We were both surfing and got to chatting on toward sunset. We found that we had several common interests. I was impressed by him, so I unabashedly removed my wetsuit while we were talking so he could get a better look at my body in a bikini. The water was pretty cold, so I knew my nipples would be quite pronounced through the material. I could tell he was interested, but he never asked for a number, or if he could see me again. I didn’t know what I had done wrong, but then, maybe he was married or something. A week later, I ran into him at the cocktail lounge I work two nights a week. He was with two other men and at first he didn’t recognize me, or so he let on. I smiled extra brightly and kinda hung at their table until he acted slightly embarrassed and said hello. He remembered my name and started a brief conversation. I was wearing a low cut gown with a slit leg. I made sure I bent over so her could see my better angles. I was afraid I was being too obvious, but I was getting desperate. He was really cute and very attractive. His friends were both good looking too, big and muscular. I wondered what these guys did for a living. I think he was in his late thirties; seemed mature and in control; things I like in a man. After a while the group got up and left. He didn’t even say good-bye. I was hurt. I guess he didn’t think as much of me as I thought he would. When I went to clear his table, I saw a card with his name e-mail address (we had discussed our interest in e-mail and computers on the internet at the beach). I could feel a rush up my back and suddenly I could feel my nipples rubbing lightly against my dress as I moved. I was sexually interested in him. When I got home I composed a short e-mail, then held it, not wanting to seem too anxious. I sent it the next morning though. The following night I worked another pub and got home about 2AM. I checked my mail, and there was his reply. He asked if I ever use chat rooms and if I ever heard of The Park. Well, I had. In fact, feeling a bit nasty one night I went to the adult section and spent some time in the male/female “anything goes” area. I had to laugh at some of the stuff going on, but I was actually excited when a guy would talk real dirty to me……..anyway, back to Roger. I answered him that I had seen The Park before, and that I was planning to go to the beach the following day. The next day I checked e-mail before departing for the beach (I still didn’t have this guy’s phone number!) Nothing. Off to the beach. No Roger. What the hell was going on? I did see who I thought was one of his friends from the other night, so I dumped the wet suit again and did a little cruising, I know he ran his eyes over me, but he didn’t approach me. When I got home I checked e-mail again and he left a message. He wanted me to choose a room at The Park and meet him there for some cyber chat at a time of my choosing. What to do? I realized at this point that I wanted sex with him. Here was my chance to lay a heavy hint by suggesting a sexually oriented chat room. But wont he think I am some sort of slut? If I want to have sex with him after one meeting, aren’t I a slut? I was confused. I didn’t think I wanted to marry this guy, but I did want sex. Guess I am a slut! I chuckled to myself. I decided to meet him in the I’m ready Male/female area, which is just one step above “anything goes” and one below the romance level…..I wanted to chat that evening after work (about midnight) or the next night at 1AM. I sent it. A moment after sending it I panicked, wanting to get it back. I just told a guy I had met only once that I want to have sex with him! Am I crazy? I started getting that feeling in my nipples again and ran my hand down to my crotch. I was damp. I was almost in heat! What the hell I thought……..and left for work. That night I was working early shift at a topless bar in town. It was not my usual work, but the tips were fabulous and I would fill in for another girl when she could not meet her “quota”. I am not the greatest dancer, but I can get into the music and I get a little charge out of all the men staring at my breasts. Tonight I felt particularly horny and actually couldn’t wait to watch all of those men gaping at my breasts. Just before going on I applied some ice to my nipples so they would be at their maximum erection. The trick was keeping them that way under the hot lights, but tonight it wasn’t a problem. I felt sexy and , well, …….ripe!. I didn’t do a fancy routine, just some little aerobic moves and hugging on the bar etc. I was getting a pretty good amount of shouting from the audience. I turned away and unsnapped my top and slowly let it fall away. I could tell my erect nipples were a pleasure to the eye. I felt so damned sexy up there. Nude in front of all those eyes. My nipples standing straight up toward the ceiling on top of my firm breasts. My deep tan accentuating the shape. The tips came rolling in and I went around for as long as the manager would let me, swinging those knobs in front of those horny men with the dollars in their fists. Then I saw him! Right behind the front row, smiling. It was one of those guys that was with Roger. I wondered if he recognized me. He had a big smile on his face and nodded at me. he could tell I recognized him I think. I Think………..but maybe not. After all the other guy didn’t, the one at the beach that afternoon. Or I didn’t think so. Oh shit! what was I going to do? Now I REALLY felt like a slut. Here I was flashing my stiff breasts at all these guys with obvious glee. I ended my routine and got lost. I asked one of the other girls to cover the part of the room he was in and went to wait tables for a while. I was supposed to do one more round in about an hour. I hoped he would be gone. When it came time for my number I went through my routine again, but without so much excitement. I didn’t use any ice this time, but when I took off the top, I could feel my nipples growing in an erection again. I couldn’t stop it. I must have seemed very turned on to the crowd and the cheers shoed it (along with the money). I kept scanning the crowd, but he wasn’t there, thank God!. End of show, wait a few tables and on my way home by midnight. On the way home I could feel waves of excitement gather in my loins. The thought of displaying myself in front of one of Roger’s friends like a shameless slut and then talking to him in a sex chat area. Well, I thought, I will surely get what I wanted….sex with him…unless he is gay or something. I toyed with the idea of simply bailing, but why? I asked myself. I want sex with him, why not just do it. I was going to go through with it. I was going to throw my body to him in the hope he would ravish me. I never felt so cheap and so aroused. I began to hope that that was Roger’s friend and that he told him about it. What was the matter with me!?