Brenda Breaks Free

She was cold, uncomfortable and a little embarrassed; but she was mostly proud of the fact she’d actually gone through with it this time. Twice before in the past month she’d had the opportunity and desire, but she just couldn’t, but this time, this time she would not go home feeling like a coward and a prude.

***

Brenda was the thirty-two year old mother of three. Until last year, maybe even six months ago, that had been her whole view of herself. Sure she was house- wife, church member, even garden club president, but still the overarching feeling was that her life revolved around being a mother of three. To be honest, she loved being mom and her life had been busy and she had felt fulfilled.

She had even resisted when her husband suggested that with their youngest in school she should go back to college and finish her degree. She’d dropped out when she was pregnant with their first, she had been twenty two and she had finished three years of an elementary education degree at Baylor.

She had first just skipped one year after marriage, intending to go back and finish before they started a family, but, things happen. Only rarely did it bother her that she did not finish, but she loved every minute being a mother. When Connie, their youngest, started first grade last year she’d begun to think about finishing and it had taken her the rest of that year to get through the process of resuming her education.

It had been 1963 when she had left Baylor, a (then) conservative Baptist college. It was the fall of 1973 and the world was very much a different place, especially on the campus of University of Texas at Arlington (UT-A) where she was now enrolled. She had decided to pursue anthropology rather than to continue to train to be a school teacher. Her classes in the fall had proven not to be a great academic challenge, she had always been a good student, but the core values were challenged, no assaulted, nearly every day in class by her professors.

She had taken a philosophy course, a sociology course, a literature class and a course in world religions that first semester (in addition to introduction to statistics and Ancient Eastern History). Literally every day something about her religious views, her moral views or her political views were challenged. For the first few months she resisted, and finally, in late October she went to her Philosophy teacher, a Dr. Valerie Driscole, and poured out her concerns. She’d told her she wanted to continue school, but did not like her values being attacked every day. Dr. Drisole’s response was kind, direct and changed her life.

“Brenda,” she said quietly. “I can’t tell you what to believe, but what I can tell you is that if your beliefs are worth having they will stand up to an honest intellectual examination. You are a bright woman, a very bright woman from what I’ve seen, so rather than shutting off the challenges to your beliefs, take this as an opportunity to affirm what you believe by subjecting them to the challenges your teachers are giving you. If you are right in your views, they will easily stand up to scrutiny, but you to be intellectually honest you must be willing to accept if you find your views do not stand up to the test.”

Brenda had taken that challenge home and then back to class the next day. Sitting in Sociology she, for the first time, really considered what Dr. Hughes, had to say, though it was very much different from what she’d been thought.

By the end of the first semester at UT-A, she knew deep in her heart that her Southern Baptist view of the world was not passing the instinctual challenge very well. She didn’t say anything to her family, but to a few friends she’d met in class she begun to open up. She surprised herself that over the four weeks between semesters, she found her self more comfortable going out with her new, younger, college friends, than her friends from church or the Garden Club. When her children were also out of school it was easy to go back to her old lifestyle, but on the Monday after New Years, when the kids were back in school, she called up Millie and they had lunch.

Millie had been in two of her classes in the fall semester, and like Brenda, she was a little older than most of the other students and they had hit it off right from the start. Millie was unlike anyone Brenda had ever known in any sort of personal way. Prior to her starting school, just Millie’s appearance would have been enough to keep Brenda at a distance. Until the heat had broken in October, she wore the same ratty, very short, cut-offs and the same two or three little halter tops nearly every day.

In the fall she went to a couple of equally worn hip hugger, big bell jeans and tee-shirts and when it was cold as navy pea-coat. And from what Brenda could see, she didn’t even own a bra; just letting her, not- insubstantial, boobs just hang out there. On top of that, she was Jewish. That would have been enough on it’s own to make her exotic.

Brenda, for all her conservative views, was very sociable. Her winsome personality coupled with her natural physical attractiveness, had always made sure she was never a wallflower in any group. By the third week of class she was a regular member of the lunch group which was mostly girls ten years Brenda’s junior.

Millie, however, was in her late twenties, so just a few years younger than the others and that, along with the fact they shared both a Monday-Wednesday-Friday class and a Tuesday-Thursday class and they were both returning to college after a long hiatus in their schooling was what initially brought this unlikely friend into her life.

Millie was very talkative and all too glad to talk about herself. Like Brenda, she’d been a middle-class suburbanite and went off to college naive and, as she liked to say “with a head completely devoid of reality.” She’d left her home in upstate New York in the fall of 1967 to study psychology at University of Buffalo. By the spring of her sophomore year she was a sophomore the naive eighteen year old had become a radical twenty year old. The campus riots in March and the violent police retaliation had pushed her firmly into a full fledged radical and though she completed her second year at Buffalo, when summer came she left New York for ever.

While Brenda was busy raising her children in the early 70’s, Millie was leading a very different kind of life. It was after a test in October that she gave this narrative. “I left New York and with my parents believing I was going on a study trip, I went to Europe. I was sure the US was soon to fall into anarchy and so I wanted to get away, and so I went to London, then on to the south of France. London was amazing. Unlike hippies here, in London they dressed up in amazing clothes, ruffles and colors and style was so in. It was all so fun, and for me, best of all they were apolitical.

“It was all about just letting go and having a good time. None of the heavy talk about the war or civil rights, just smoking hash in hookahs and making it with a new person, or two, every night. For like a month I just carried my back pack to one flat after another going from one party to the next. I don’t think I slept in the same bed, or with the same guy more than two or three times from the first of June till I went to France at the end of July.”

One of the younger girls at the restaurant table asked, “Why’d you go? That sounded really groovy.”

Millie continued by saying, “It was, but a girl named Bernice, she was from Belgium, she and I had gotten to be real close and when she invited me to go with her and her boyfriend to commune in the south of France, it sounded fun.”

The same girl interrupted again, “You and her and her boyfriend? Sounds like you were real close.”

Millie just gave a wry smile and said, “Yea, she wasn’t the jealous type and he was very nice looking.”

Brenda’s eyes must have visibly widened. She was doing all she could to not look shocked that Millie was so open about having sex with, evidently, a good many men, and now she was clearly saying she had been intimate with her friend’s boyfriend.

A girl who appeared to be the youngest at the table commented, “But doing it behind her back?”

Millie defensively said, “Oh, I wouldn’t do that, we never did it unless Bernice was there.”

Even Millie’s defense was even more shocking. Did she do a manage-a-trios?

Evidently unaware of just how shocked Brenda was, Millie blithely continued, “So, we go down to St. Tropez, it was so pretty. It seemed that Bernice’s boyfriend had a cousin who had rented an apartment for the summer. I guess he didn’t ask if there was any room for us, so we just slept on the floor. Fortunately I met a guy the second day and hearing of my lack of accommodations invited me to stay with him, so I did a week. It was great, I’d never been on a topless beach before and even though I’m no prude, it was strange at first to go topless, but after just a few hours it was no big deal.

“By the time Jacque left to go back to Paris, he asked me to go with him but Bernice and I had already had an offer to stay at an amazing villa just out of town with a guy that she’d taken up with after her boyfriend had to go back to Belgium. I guess I should say, Bernice was very, very pretty and guys just flocked to her.”

Brenda thought it funny that Millie would say her friend was pretty, as Brenda thought the same of Millie. She had an olive complexion and features that looked like a movie star’s. Not to mention her figure, that from what she’d see would stop a man dead in his tracks, all told if her friend was as pretty as Millie, the two of them on a beach would have been… extremely popular. And that would have been true even if they weren’t evidently topless and quick to jump into bed with just about anyone.

“So,” Millie went on, “we go to this Villa, and wow! It overlooked the bay and had it’s own pool and everything. The guy she took up with was the son of some kind of industrial tycoon. I thought he was really stuck on himself, but the place was really nice. I just hung out at the pool for two weeks as often as not just wearing just my bikini bottoms. There were lots of people coming and going and it was like a rolling party. On the second Tuesday we were there I met Kenneth. He was so good looking and funny and smart and…” she grinned wickedly “.. he had a great penis that he really knew how to use.”

The other girls laughed. Brenda blanched.

“I fell hard” she said then looked around and corrected, “OK, first I came hard, again and again, then I fell for him. He was a law student at Columbia and when he left to go back I went with him and moved into his apartment. My parents freaked out but they settled down when we got married that Christmas. Then they freaked out again when we got divorced a year later.”

She went on to tell how she’d moved in with her sister after the divorce and that is what brought her to the Dallas area. At first she was repelled by both Millie’s politics and her lifestyle, but she was just so fun and interesting, she and Millie soon spent every lunch together and even some weekend activities as well. Thus after her children went back to school after Christmas break she and Millie spent several days together. It was not that having time wither her lady friends was something she hadn’t done over the years, but what was new was that in all her time with Millie she was developing an identity of her own, separate from being a wife or mother, she was just Brenda. Not Mrs. Johnson, not Will or Richey or Michelle’s mother, just Brenda. It was new, exciting and more than a little frightening at times.

The first time a guy tried to pick her up she was clueless as to what was happening. It was after class a few weeks after Christmas. Millie had taken her to a bar just off campus. A BAR! She had never in her life been in a bar. She didn’t even drink. She had only tasted beer once and that was in high school. Sitting drinking her Tab at a table, two men asked to sit with them. They were very nice, but it wasn’t until one asked her what she was doing latter that night that poor naive Brenda realized he was hitting on her; trying to pick her up, he thought she was available. Despite the wedding ring, he thought she would go with him. It shocked, infuriated and flattered her.

Millie had brushed them off with ease, but it was a revelation to Brenda.

“I thought you were going to pass out,” Millie had said once the men were gone “How long has it been since a guy has tried to pick you up?” Brenda just looked at her dumbfounded “Never.”

Millie had clearly been taken aback by her answer, but kindly did not pursue the issue that day. Brenda, on the other hand, began to think about a lot of things. The next week her husband was out of town again from Monday until Thursday. His job provided them a very comfortable lifestyle, one far more affluent than how she had grown up. However, the price was that her husband, as he had promoted, traveled ever more.

A year ago he was promoted to Junior -Vice-President in his company, he was now a real jetsetter, traveling the world, or rather away from home, for 10- 15 nights most months. After her evening shower, she stood in front of the full length mirror and looked at herself: naked. She tried to imagine what a man, not her husband, but just a man, would think of her body. Millie had talked about the topless beaches, and she had made reference to the fact she had gone to a nude beach in the Bahamas last year, but not elaborated. What would men think of her 34 year old body if she were next to someone like Millie?

She looked at herself. She knew she’d always looked young for her age. When she first went to college at 18 years old she’d still looked like she could have been in Junior High. She had hated it then, but now, she could see the upside. She slowly turned to look at herself from all sides. The three kids hadn’t been unkind to her. Her waist was not as defined as it had once been, but she still fit easily into size 5 dresses and slacks, a size 3, she thought, if she wore them as tight as Millie did.

She slapped a thigh as she look at her rear quarter; firm and only a hint of cellulite, again, not bad at all. Her boobs, though not remotely as big as the girls in her husbands Playboy magazines, were, she thought nothing to be ashamed of. Sure they’d lost a little of their fullness with nursing, but she had no regrets about that. A solid 34C, but she knew, at a nude beach she would not be confused with an 18 year old, but she imagined she could get her share of looks. “Where did that thought come from?” she asked herself aloud.

She ran her hands through her dark brown hair. She’d begun letting it grow out even before she started back to school, now it was beginning to cascade over her shoulders. She was not bad looking, when she was in high school, she’d been rather a wallflower, but with maturity had come softening of her features to the effect of generally improving her appearance. She still was a long way from being a knock-out, but she certainly was not homely either.

An angry scream came from the living room. One of the kids was doing something to one of the other kids. “Back to being a mother”. She pulled her night gown over her head, followed by her robe and strode from the room in full mama mode.

Two hours later the kids were asleep. Brenda slipped off her robe, then very uncharacteristically, she let her nightgown fall to the floor as well, and crawled across the bed nude. The sheets were cool as she slid across the top of the king sized bed. She went to the far side, his side, and opened the drawer in his end table. From it she took the top few magazines. June (1974) and November Playboy, June’s Penthouse, June and July’s. She slid under the cool sheets and opened the first magazine.

This wasn’t the first time she had looked in her husband’s magazines, but it was the first time she had looked closely. The girls were young, pretty and all had boobs much bigger than hers. She was very interested in two photo layouts, one in the July Penthouse and one in the June Playboy. Both were shot outdoors. Mostly on deserted beaches, again she thought of Millie on a nude beach, and imagined her self as well. After perusing the photo spreads, she began looking at the articles on modern sexuality. She read the advice column from Xandra Hollender, and the letters about their sexual exploits. It was more than enough to keep her mind running after she put the magazines back and turned off the light.

Lying on the big bed, under sheets her mind thought of what it would be like to be with another man. To be with a man in bed like the in the magazine stories, for him to take time to warm her to his desires, to have him stimulate her with is mouth and then to engage in intercourse, not for the five minutes that was all her husband had ever done, but to have sex long enough to move from position to position, to have sex until she felt as spent as he was.

As she thought her palms pressed into her thighs, her fingers gripped the flesh and she pushed the hands down her leg. The friction warmed her legs, though the movement was slow. The tactile sensation was very stimulating. She drew her hands up, still pressing into her flesh enjoying the feeling of her skin being pulled. Up the sides of her stomach, the two hands in tandem inched up. She felt her ribs under the skin, the softness of the outer edge of her two breasts. Her palms rotated her fingers inward as they moved up her body.

When the heel of her hand was pressing in, just below her armpits, her splayed fingers only floated on the soft surface of her breasts themselves. The tips of her fingers lighted on the raised surface of her areola and the middle finger just touched the firm pencil eraser sized crown of her nipple. An unexpected shiver shot from her own touch and as it raced downward, brought a contraction in her stomach and pelvis before settling in her suddenly acutely sensitive clitoris. Reflexively her buttocks tightened and her thighs in turn pulled inward, putting more pressure on the suddenly alive feeling in her crotch.

This also was not the first time she had ever touched herself. As a girl she and explored those feelings on several occasions, and then in the months between the time she began dating and the night she lost her virginity to the man who became her husband she had again explored the pleasant sensations of touching her breasts and pubic area.

When she began having sex, and after some time began to realize that though it felt good, it nearly always left her feeling empty, she had lost interest in seeking those feelings. Who wants to be disappointed? She had convinced herself, bolstered by the similar experiences of her friends from church, that women who said they were having deeply fulfilling sexual experiences were either lying or sinfully depraved. That was why she had not sought out the mysterious orgasm, or climax or cumming of which she had heard.

That self satisfying belief was one of the things she was finding herself questioning as of late. Now, having become friends with a woman who’s life, who’s upbeat and seemingly fulfilled life included regular, extended sexual encounters with different men, and never had she even hinted at the phony nature of sexual promise. In fact on a number of occasions she’d refrained having ‘great sex’ or ‘a mind blowing orgasm’.

Was her friend Millie lying or depraved? She knew full well that she was beginning to think she’d been duped. She’d been let to believe sex was just for the man and procreation, but what if there was some great experience she’d never had? It was that thought that caused to look at her body in a sexual way. It was that thought that caused her to pull out the magazines. The insistent tingle in her thighs was not new, but it was more intense than she had felt in a very long time.

Slowly, she let her hands move up and over her breasts. The sensitive tips now were being stimulated by the ridges in her palm. She gripped the soft flesh and the grip on the whole breasts, soon became a tight pinching of her nipples. More shivers came. Her thighs were pulled as tight as she could get them, her buttocks lifted from the bed. With out fully thinking about it, her right hand let go of the breast and covered her vulva. She held it tightly, palm pressing the insistent clitoris, and the fingers stretched out through her pubic hair and curved with the same of her bottom, the tips of her middle there fingers on the fleshy outer lips. She gripped harder. Her clitoris became so sensitive that it was almost painful and her middle finger slipped down in between the lips of her labia.

She knew it was said women could masturbate, like men did, until they climaxed, but she, until that moment never understood what that meant. The feelings were getting overwhelming, too intense, she couldn’t stand it any longer and released her breast and vulva. She was shivering as if she were cold. She was sure that there was a female orgasm out there waiting for her, but how to get there without going out of her skin that was what she had to know.

* *

The next day, Saturday, she and the kids went to the book store. She and the kids loved the bookstore, but she was on a new mission. After ensuring no one she knew was in the store she knew, Brenda found a female clerk and quietly asked her “Do you have The Joy of Sex?” She knew of the book from something her sociology professor had said one day. She clerk very matter-of- factly said “Yes, we do and we also have the new More, Joy of Sex.”

After only a momentary hesitation she told the clerk she would take both books. So she went home with a new Dr. Seuss book, a book about cowboys, a book about space ships and two sex books. By Monday, even though she hid them from her husband, she had read nearly all of the first book.

On Monday, she could not wait to meet Millie after they had finished registering for spring semester classes. She didn’t even wait to get from the Administration building to their favorite lunch spot just off campus before starting “I know I’m going to sound like a spinster from the fifty’s when I tell you this.” She started “But I think I’m at some sort of turning point in my life, but I just don’t know what to believe.”

She could tell she had Millie’s attention and sympathy. Millie probably had an idea of what kind of issues Brenda was speaking as she had hinted at these things before.

Brenda gathered her courage and went on as they walked the nearly a mile distance to their eatery. It was a sunny crisp morning and the walk was pleasant. “Is the stuff I read about women having orgasms over and over again real, or is it just the stuff of men’s fantasy?”

Millie visibly restrained her smile before speaking, “Oh, the good Baptist girl has been thinking has she? Or perhaps reading forbidden material?”

“Both,” Brenda answered and gave a brief description of her experience Friday night and then told of the books she had bought on Saturday. “In the book the author is a man but writes authoritatively about women’s feelings.”

“Yes,” Millie finally said. “I have the book and yes it’s written by a man and yes he’s right. The book is great. I have a signed copy.”

Though Millie was surely more interested in how she got a sighed copy Brenda was on a mission. “So regular women, like you, do those things?”

“What things, have sex?”

“I mean oral stimulation and using artificial penises, have sex in lots of odd positions and things like that.”

Millie stepped from the busy sidewalk to the grass and stopped, turned to look at Brenda, “You’re kidding me aren’t you? I mean it’s now 1974, not 1874, are you really asking me if I have oral sex, use a dildo or do it in ways other than the missionary position.”

Brenda just looked at her, her silence was her answer. Millie burst our “Good God! You are serious. You really are a total square.” She looked at Brenda quizzically then grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back onto the side walk, “Come on girl, we’ve got lots to talk about. Way more than we can before our next class.” She paused for a moment “And I’ve bee just yakking away about my men, and all the time you acted calm, but in reality you’d never heard anyone talk about sex like that. Right?”

Brenda nodded.

“OK, first off, let me hear what sex is like for you?” She asked.

“Just sex,” Brenda said, the subject was embarrassing on two levels. One she was in a public place, and second because she felt like a total novice to a world in which the younger woman was a master.

“What does that mean? Just sex?”

“Just sex,” Brenda repeated. “We go to bed, he gets on top and puts his thing in and does his thing, then we go to sleep”

As they walked Millie gave her a side ways glance, “And does that do it for you?”

She thought about playing even more stupid than she really was, but decided to answer directly, “No.”

“I guess not,” Millie said in response. “Do you ever get off?”

“Have an orgasm?” Brenda said rhetorically “No.”

“Even come close?” Millie said as soon as she’d answered and before she could self censor Brenda said “I almost did Friday night but it just got so intense I stopped” with the last word she threw her hand to her mouth, she couldn’t believe she’d just said that. She had no intention of telling how she had masturbated, but it just came out.

Millie was un-phased “Well, that’s a start. I guess you don’t do that very often.”

Brenda just choked out “Never, not even a little since I was a girl.”

“But Friday night you just decided to play with your self? Why?’

“I guess just hanging out with you. All the sex talk, it just seems so natural to you.”

“Well it is natural,” Millie said. “What’s not natural is a grown woman who thinks sex is just five minutes of a guy getting off then it’s over”

“Five minutes when I lucky. Sometimes his done almost as soon as he is in me.”

Millie voice showed true compassion, like she’d just herd that someone mother had died “I’m so sorry for you. I just can’t imagine what your life is like.” They entered the restaurant and got their table. Once seated and the waitress had left Millie said “It’s a good start you almost getting off last week. Why again did you stop?”

“It just got too intense, to sensitive. It went from relaxing, to tense to almost painful. Is it supposed to do that?”

Millie smiled, “The French call it petite morte, or the little death because just as you crest a really big climax it really does feel like your goanna die. It sounds like you were right on the brink. When you get there, keep going. It’s like blowing a balloon up until it pops, it gets really hard to do then “bam” it pops all a sudden. But with an orgasm, that’s when it feels so good and it’s like a wave rushing out from your pussy to your whole body. Mmmm.” Millis paused, apparently caught up in her own description.

Brenda thought about what she said “I guess I was almost there, but I should have kept going”

Millie nodded, “Yea, I think you were just about there. After you can get yourself off regularly, you can teach your man how to do it for you. I guess I was cumming regularly by the time I turned 15. Of coarse you will need to teach your husband from scratch. Of coarse it would be a lot easier to set you up with one of my guys.”

It was Brenda’s turn to laugh, “Yea, right.”

Millie repeated earnestly, “I’m serious. I’ve got a couple of guy friends who are very talented in the sack and would be more than happy to spend some time with you.”

With an emotional jolt Brenda realized she meant it. She was suggesting she commit adultery. She had worried she might be on a slippery slope even taking about these things, but that idea was a cliff not a slope. Inwardly her basic instinct was to be offended and shocked by the idea, but she made herself focus on the truth that Millie was truly trying to be nice and helpful. And though it would take her several weeks to admit it to herself, she really did envy Millie and her sexual freedom. With a calmness that belied the tremor in her soul she said “I don’t think I could do that. But thanks for the offer”

“I won’t push you, but let me know if he doesn’t come around.”

They went on through the lunch Brenda posed ever more explicit questions that Millie was all to eager to answer. They didn’t share any Tuesday-Thursday classes so it was Wednesday before she saw Millie after Pre- Columbian American Paleontology. The first thing Millie said was “Dr. Harris is a fox. I’m going like this class” before asking “So, how’s my student doing. Have you made it to the big O yet?”

“No,” Brenda said, rather down about it. “Mike is in town and I couldn’t let him catch me doing that.”

“Why not?”

“I’d die and he’d….. well I don’t know what he’d do.”

“He’d get off on it,” Millie said incredulously “It is the rare man that doesn’t get off on seeing a woman playing with herself. Unless he’s got a Madonna/whore complex going on he’s going like watching”

“A Madonna/whore complex?”

“Yea,” She said. “Some men put women into two categories, they are either totally non-sexual like the Holy Madonna, the eternal virgin, Mary mother of Jesus to you Baptist; or the woman is consumed with depraved sexual desires like a whore. Men like that never see their wife as being sexual and have only the most cursory sexual relations. To be honest, relations like you and your husband’s”

“Yea,” Brenda agreed. “I can see that. Mike and I didn’t have sex until our wedding night, and even then it was with the lights out and under the covers”

“Does he buy you sexy stuff from Fredrick’s of Hollywood?”

“NO!” Brenda said before even thinking. Perhaps that was what was going on. “How do they treat other women, that aren’t their holy wife I mean?”

“They are the types that hire young secretaries with big boobs and short skirts, go to strip bars when they are on business trips, and of course screw any girl they can.”

Brenda thought, she did not like what it sounded like. Mike has had a series of young pretty secretaries, but as far as she knew he didn’t frequent strip bars nor did he have affairs. As far as she knew. “If a guy like that caught his wife being sexual, what would he do?”

“Well Dr. Franks, in my human relationships class talked about it, That’s how I knew about all that. But he said that it causes cognitive dissidence, what he sees is in contrast to what he believes. Most men will simply forbid the woman to do such stuff and if she continues he will treat her like a whore, rather than a Madonna. Some men, more modern open mined men, will rethink their view of women, and see their wife can be both sexual and respectable.”

Brenda just mulled over her friend’s words.

Millie added “You don’t even know if that is how your husband sees things. He might just be a crummy fuck.”

They both laughed.

When Brenda came to class on Friday she was all beams as she looked for Millie, but Millie didn’t show until just as class started. The professor began but Brenda wasn’t listening, she was focused on her success. Discreetly, when Millie sat, she made her fingers in to the shape of an O. Millie looked quizzically. She didn’t get it. Brenda covered the front of her mouth and mouthed “I had an orgasm last night”.

Millie’s eyes brightened and gave her friend a big thumbs up and mouths, “Later, tell me latter.”

And so she did. Once again the talk to the Campus Dinner was all about sex. But this time Brenda did the talking. “Just like you said, I kept it up after I thought I’d go out of my skin and sure enough, it came. I came. It was amazing. How had I not done that before? And I can do that while having sex?”

“It depends,” Millie said. “I occasionally come when a guy is in me, but for me the fucking is what gets me most ready to have my partner go down on me, or to get myself off. If the guy is good, getting head is much better, but if he’s not it’s just distracting.”

Brenda heard with new ears. Like she’s been let into a secret club and now she knew the coded language. She wondered what it was like to have a man give her oral sex. The books seemed to take it for granted that men do that, but Mike had never kissed lower than her nipples. Millie’s offer from earlier in the week popped into her mind. She shocked her self when she thought about taking up Millie on her offer to have sex with one of her guy friends. He skin tingled, especially in her groin at the thought. But, NO, she could not really think about that. She changed the subject, sort of.

“Millie?” She asked. “I told you that Mike gets it done in like three minutes. Sometimes less, it’s like he’s done before I really feel him in me. How long do your boyfriends do it.”

“Again it depends, and some guys are so intense I wouldn’t want to go for hours. Making love to, like Stephen, well he’s hung like a mule and he’s very athletic after thirty or forty-five minutes with him I’m done. My pussy hurts and I am fully spent. On the other hand, I had a lover a few years ago who could keep it up and going till dawn. But he was slow and gentle. We would kiss and hold and just be together sometimes he was in me other times I just felt him on my thigh. When we would finally go to sleep I was completely satisfied, but in a different way. Aside from quickies, which still last a lot longer than your used to, a guy worth bedding a second time will give an hour or so, give or take.”

“An hour? I couldn’t imagine.” But she was imagining, the idea of meeting Millie’s friends had taken lodge.

Brenda’s next step into this unknown future was going shopping with Millie two weeks later. Mike was home and she, uncharacteristically, told him he needed to watch the kids and she was going shopping with a friend from school. She could tell he was a bit surprised, and would have been down right shocked that under her light jacket and knit top, she was not wearing a bra. She hadn’t been outside with out a bra since she was 13. It was, not exactly sexy, but she felt daring and more than a little bit wicked and exposed. She didn’t take the jacket off except to try on clothes but she still felt exposed.

They went to Foleys, the department store from which Brenda usually shopped. Millie guided her away from the women’s section to the juniors where she snapped up some skirts a good six inches shorter than anything Brenda had in her closet. Millie unnerved her when she followed Brenda into the dressing room. Brenda was acutely embarrassed as she pulled off her blouse to expose her bare breasts, but hid the feeling under a bravado she hoped would fool Millie. For Millie’s part she didn’t bat an eye when Brenda was nearly completely naked. She did comment “If your going to wear underwear, which you should consider not doing, you’ve got to get something a little less… less, matronly.”

Leaving the store she had purchased, a pair of double knit hip hugger slacks, two mini-skirts, two mini- dresses, three blouses and a pair of black boots, and six pair of very brief bikini panties. From Foleys Millie took her to Henry’s Jean Scene and there she got three pairs of, incredibly tight, hip hugger bell bottom Levis. Trying them on she understood why Millie objected to the underwear she was wearing, it came up three or four inches higher than the waist band of the jeans. There they got finally they went to the most dingy store Brenda had ever entered. It was called The Purple Haze and it sold both hippie type clothes and was Brenda could only guess was drug paraphernalia.

Here she just let Millie shop. She didn’t even try anything on, which was just as well since she didn’t relish the idea of undressing in that place. They left with four blouses, well not really blouses, halter tops really, all short enough to leave skin exposed from just below her breast to just above her waist band, and two of them would likely give less coverage than if she were wearing only one of her Playtex bras. She also had a cache of miscellaneous jewelry and accessories. Arriving home, she left everything in the back of her ’72 Buick Estate Station Wagon knowing her husband would not be observant enough to realize he brought nothing in the house.

It was Monday after the she’d dropped the kids off at Pope Elementary School that she took the bags from the car. She didn’t have time to try on any of the outfits; however Tuesday, as she only had one Tuesday-Thursday class, she was able to give herself a fashion show putting together different outfits using the new wardrobe. She liked the look, very mod; very not Baptists mommy, showing lots of skin.

It was a week before she had the courage to try out the new things and even then she wore the green mini-dress with opaque tights underneath and a loose jacket disguising the fact she’d not worn a bra. She had chosen this one because it was the longest of the new skirts or dresses, and even still it was a full 6 inches above her knee cap.

She was very self conscious, especially when she’d removed the jacket as soon as she entered the classroom building. It wasn’t that she was overly warm, but she was pushing herself. Otherwise the jacket would have stayed on all day, as it had when then went shopping. The green dress was very pretty, and although it was the longest in the hem, but it was of a very light wool that draped perfectly over her body. Too perfectly, it flowed like water over her ever moving bare breasts and even displayed visible crowns over her nipples. Too exposed; she was about to put her jacket back on when Peggy, one of her twenty year old friends, said “You look great” not half-way across the foyer. She couldn’t back out now,

Even before class started, she received more than a few compliments. Was she that much of a prude? She must be or no one would notice. Today she was dressed like many, if not most, of the young women in class. She didn’t hear much of the lecture. She was much too wrapped up in her own conflicting feelings and self- evaluation. Was she wrong to dress this way. Certainly the ladies at church would say so. Was this some trick of Satan, luring her into a life of fleshly desire? She’d been masturbating every day before Mike came home from work and on the nights when he was out of town.

She read and reread the stories in his magazines and spend hours naked in her bed exploring all the feelings in her body. It took just a few days before orgasms came easily and she’s moved to two and three in a night. Was this enlightenment or a trap? And then there were her fantasies, drawing from Millie’s stories and the stories in the magazine. She dwelled on thoughts that a few months ago would have repelled her. And it was those thoughts that brought the best and strongest climaxes. Those fantasies also brought frustration and disappointment at her husband’s twice weekly momentary bouts of sexual activity.

* *

Over the next few weeks she tried out others of her outfits to ever growing compliment from her classmates. In Dallas, March brought warm spring weather, so she was able to try out all the new outfits, even the abbreviated halter tops. And the guys, she was getting looks, interested looks from guys more than ten years her junior. And most surprising of all, she wasn’t shocked or offended. She even found herself playing up to it; buttoning up one less button on her blouse, letting the short skirt ride up her leg even higher, and most significantly she began to talk, and flirt with some of them.

It was a beautiful warm late March day. Brenda and Millie and a young girl named Jennifer and her semi- boyfriend Bill all had planned a picnic after class on the campus lawn. Brenda had worn a pair of her hip- hugger jeans and the red print halter top that was little more than a thin fabric bikini top, her cleavage spilling out of the top. After class she’d undone the two button and now it was held together only by the tie below her bust.

Not to be outdone, Millie wore a very short denim mini- skirt and yellow tube top that seemed to slide lower by the minute. They spread the blanket and pulled out the contents of their several paper bags. It was all very idyllic. She was still experiencing more parts of a world she had never seen before. When Jennifer pulled a joint from her purse and lit up, it seemed so normal. She’d seen people smoking pot right in the open on campus quite a bit. Again what a change in her perspective.

Millie took a big drag and after exhaling said “I must say Brenda that outfit looks great on you. I did good picking it out.”

“Yea, you did. My new wardrobe seems to suite the new me,” she replied.

“Ah, the new you, does the good Christian husband of yours know about the new you?”

“God no!”

“Well,” she said before taking a second drag and passing the joint. “You should give him a chance to reform before you start fucking around.”

Brenda knew she’d been hinting that her resolve against committing adultery was weakening by the day, but she didn’t know she’s been that obvious.

“What makes you think I’m about to start doing that?”

Rather than answering Millie looked over at Jennifer and Bill “Do you think she’ll make it through spring break faithful to her boring husband?”

Bill holding the joint said “If she doesn’t do it with one of your guys first, I’m sure she’ll knock heels with Tommy Connors the first time they get alone.” He looked directly at Brenda “and you know it”

She knew full well he was right, but wasn’t about to admit it. Tommy was one of their classmates who frequently ate lunch with Millie, Brenda and their crew. She liked him and they flirted quite a bit. She’d made repeated “joking” comments hinting that she would like to make it with him. And in the last week he’d become the focus of much of her daily self pleasuring. Yes, she knew it was true, given a privet room and some time she would do it with him, but she was not going to admit such. “No I won’t”

Millie said, “You don’t think so?”

“No, I’m sure so” Brenda lied.

She could Millie thinking. “OK, if you’re so sure of yourself, when is your husband out of town next?”

Brenda didn’t like this line of talk, but she was committed “He leaves Monday morning. He’ll be gone until Wednesday. Why?” though she knew why she was asking.

“Jennifer can you baby-sit her kids for a couple hours Tuesday night?”

“Sure.”

“OK, its set. We’ll have dinner at my place. Tuesday night.”

“Who is we?” Brenda demanded.

“Me, you, Bill and Tommy.” Millie looked to Jennifer “I can barrow Bill can’t I?”

“He’s not my boyfriend, do what you like with him.”

“Good, then it’s set.”

Between that moment on Friday and the moment she’d arrived at Millie’s door on Tuesday, she’d been a nervous wreck. Facing a decision she only fantasized about, was she ready? She didn’t know. What she did know was that she began masturbating and fantasizing multiple times each day. Mike even asked if she was sick because she kept disappearing into the bathroom. She couldn’t relax enough to climax when Mike was home, well at least when he was awake, she, on Saturday nights slipped out of the master bedroom and imagined it was Tommy touching her as she lay on the living room couch, until she had climaxed not fewer than four times.

Monday at lunch Millie was cruel by making sure Tommy was invited to lunch with them. She tried to be funny and flirtatious but it just seemed so forced. The sexual tension inside of her was so strong she felt constricted of air. She was glad when she had to go to her next class. That night she had to take a sleeping pill or she would have never gotten to sleep, even after a hour and a half of on and off masturbation.

She straightened her dress. It was a blue and white halter min-dress. Millie had insisted that for an event like this she should not wear panties, but there was just no way. She might know she would likely commit adultery tonight, but she was not about to do that.

Millie opened the door of her apartment. She looked fabulous. In contrast to her usual bohemian look, she wore what appeared to be a pale yellow silk blouse, very low cut displaying a generous amount of her breast. She matched the blouse with an extremely short blue miniskirt with brass buttons on either side, again her lovely olive skin was in ample abundance. The outfit was finished off with yellow pumps. Every hair in place, make up (which she had never seen Millie wear) she looked like she’d stepped off a Cosmopolitan Magazine cover.

“I clean up good don’t I?” Millie said inviting her in.

Millie showed off many talents of which Brenda had no idea.

The small apartment was richly decorated with a mix of avant-garde hippy art and a number of classical pieces. Brenda had expected something far more Spartan.

Her Italian dinner was amazing. She played the hostess brilliantly keeping the conversation moving, and just racy enough to be scandalous in it’s own right. Millie poured Brenda a glass of red wine, though she knew Brenda had never been a drinker. “You’ll like this, it’s made near the Villa where I spent a summer in France. It’s very fruity and just a bit sweet.”

Brenda’s hesitation was only in her mind. Outwardly she joined in the toast and took her first sip of wine. The taste wasn’t as bad as she’d expected, but it felt like cough syrup going down as the warmth radiated from the liquid as she drank.

* *

After dinner she ushered the guests from the table to the sofa/loveseat sitting area and she proceeded to serve cheese cake and coffee. Sitting next to Tommy on the love seat she could clearly see how short Millie’s skirt was. When she even bent over slightly the base of the curved buttocks was visible. She suspected that Millie had taken her own advice and not worn anything under her clothes. Her suspicion was confirmed when Millie sat, the skirt rode up for a moment and her pubis was plainly visible. Granted she did pull her skirt back down, but not in any great hast and when ever she moved she would again be momentary exposed to both she and Tommy.

She didn’t think she’d be taken aback as she was, especially since she had told Brenda to do the same. At first it seemed crass and just too much, but as the conversation wend on and she found herself captivated by the game of pee-a-boo she understood the purpose. If she was that intrigued, any man would be under her spell. She wondered if the peek she was giving of her red panties was anything remotely as captivating as the show Millie was putting on. She doubted it.

After half an hour she worked up the courage. She excused herself and went to the restroom where she removed her panties and put then in her purse, then returned to the living room; though she was not so eager, once back in the room, to show Bill her goods as Millie was to show Tommy. After all, she’d see him again tomorrow.

In the time she was gone the talk had gotten distinctly more sexual in nature. Bill was talking “…and the jizz sprayed everywhere,” the others laughed. Millie looked up at Brenda, “Ah, your back.”

Brenda sat cautiously. She was acutely aware of the skirt riding up as she bent down to sit. Neither Millie or Bill gave any reaction though the cool air told her that she was exposed.

After some more sexual talk Millie stood and motioned to Brenda to talk to her on the side. She said “If you don’t mind Bill and I are going in my room so I can take Jennifer up on her offer to let me use him as I please.”

Brenda nodded.

She turned to Bill and then seemed to have a second though. Loud enough for all to hear she said, “Rather this, Bill and I will stay here and you two can use my room to get to know each other better.”

Brenda just stood next to the love seat, this was the moment of truth.

Millie looked at her not moving. “OK, suite yourself, you are free to stay and watch. I’m sure it will be a show worth seeing.”

With that she hiked her skirt up to her waist, completely exposing herself, and straddled Bill who was still sitting on the couch. She looked back at Brenda and pulled the tube top over her head with a jerk. Millie’s breasts were surprisingly full and round with tiny brown, not pink, erect nipples. She sat there a moment, now nearly completely naked looking at Brenda, then turned his attention back to Bill and began to kiss him with energy.

Brenda just stood there as they kissed like desperate lovers, rather than the simple friends they were. It was sex without love or even lust, just sex for fun. She looked down at Tommy, who was obviously waiting for her to act. She looked back at Millie and Bill, he had her nipple in his mouth. She initially just enjoyed then turned her head once more to Brenda. Her eyes clearly said that this was time to act or call it off. Brenda looked to Tommy, offered her hand and they went to the bedroom and shut the door behind them.

The room was not large, a double bed and dresser. A psycodelic painting and an abstract nude graced the walls. She led him to the bed and he said. She stood in front of him. Like she had seen her friend she moved to straddle him, though she only hiked her skirt up enough to spread her legs wide enough to stand on her knees with his hips between her thighs. With nothing behind him, he fell to the bed, she now was sitting on him, looking down. As her weight settled she could feel the firm ridge of his penis under her. His jeans pressed directly on her sensitive lips. The intensity of that simple act, not even his flesh touching hers was enough to cause her to physically shutter.

She took a deep breath and ever so slowly rotated her hips. The rough denim caused both discomfort and arousal, intense arousal. She closed her eyes and just felt. She was on another man’s penis and it was exciting. She savored the feeling as the Joy of Sex book said to do. Her hands coursed up her body as if they were a separate entity. She held her breasts outside the fabric. It was all so satisfying. Her arousal was building, she was sure she could climax just doing this. She had worked her lips around the denim covered shaft and by leaning forward she brought just enough pressure on her clitoris. She would certainly come.

Her blissful bubble of self pleasure on Tommy’s body was punctured when Tommy’s hands greedily grabbed her to pull her down to kiss him. This was a rude surprise. In her nearly a month of sexual self exploration she had always been the one doing everything, at her pace. Now Tommy was urgent, insistent. Her arousal that had been building steady for days was washed away. Now she just felt cheep and used. And besides, the denim was chaffing her sensitive inner lips. She repositioned herself to more or less lying on his chest.

She kissed him back, but only as a means of giving herself time to think. He could kiss. It was pleasant. She felt her body begin to respond. But no, she would not do this tonight. She knew that then as if it were written in stone. There would be no adultery, but she would enjoy the kissing and she let him fondle her breasts, though he was better at kissing.

She did not want to have sex with him, not tonight at least, but she also did not want to hurt his feelings. She had led him to believe they would have sex. The book had the answer, and it was indeed something she did want to try.

She broke his kiss and rolled off him. Her hands felt for the snap on his jeans. She sat up to unzip him. With deliberate precision she folded the two sides of the open fly back. Beneath was a pair of white briefs, the clear shape of the penis was even more evident with the heavier denim gone.

“Help me with this,” she whispered and she, like she had taken the pants from her boys where they were little, pulled the jeans down when he lifted his buttocks from the bed. She then took the waist band of the briefs. He lifted again and his penis and scrotum were full in view. He was perhaps a little bigger than her husband, but in the years they had been married she had not ever looked so intently at Mike’s penis, in the light, as she was looking at young Tommy’s.

It was fully engorged, standing up a few inches from the his pelvis. She took it in her right hand. It was hot, and indeed it was thicker than Mike’s but no longer. She caressed it with both hands, gently the same way she caressed her breasts.

“That’s nice,” Tommy said in a breathy voice.

She was glad to hear she was doing well, but did not respond. She was preparing herself for the unknown. The book clearly indicated that oral sex was a normal and enjoyable part of sex, but to her his was so alien.

She swiveled her body onto the bed, up on her elbows looking down at his crotch. With deliberation she lowered her mouth to the pink tip. Looking at it she knew she would have no problem putting it in her mouth, it was no bigger than a fudgesicle.

The kids had been grateful but surprised at their mother’s sudden interest in fudgesicle’s, and amused by her funny way of licking it by putting the entire thing in her mouth at once. She’d always been able to eat fast with out gagging and the last few weeks ‘eating’ fudgesicles had simply confirmed what she thought when she read The Joy of Sex and its discussion of putting a man’s penis in a woman’s mouth.

She treated it not unlike a popsicle, she ran her tongue up and down the shaft slowly, tasting it’s flavor and taking in the scent. It was highly erotic and every bit as exciting putting her mouth on this penis as she had imagined it would be.

Her lips kissed the shaft upward until they crested the sponge like head. She slowly opened her mouth and began to take him into her body. To her, this seemed so much more personal and sexual than having Mike’s penis jab into her for a few moments before shooting out semen. She mused that already this was the longest lasting sexual experience in her life. She drew the shaft out after it was half way in, leaving it slick with her saliva. She had an instinctive urge to press her lips on the head and suck hard, this elicited a moan from Tommy. She repeated and then was aware of an unusual taste. Not bad, not good, just unusual. She was sure this wasn’t his ejaculation, so it must be something that comes before that.

She relaxed mouth, and lowed down on to him again. With very little difficulty she felt his coarse pubic hair on her lips. She had him all the way in. She held him there, enjoying, savoring a man fully in her, yet she not he was in charge. This would not be a one time event. She was sure she would do this again.

She began to with a steady rhythm stroke him with her mouth. Relax on the way down, press and suck on the way up. Long languid, unhurried, she continued, for how long she did not know, but she was surprised when hip hips bucked up at her and into her mouth several long burst of semen shot from the object of her enjoyment. There really wasn’t all that much of it and though she knew he’d climaxed, she was not ready to relinquish her pleasure. Not even breaking her rhythm, she simply had another unusual taste in her mouth. Not exactly like the earlier taste, but similar.

Maybe it really did taste better, maybe it was just her feeling of success, but she thought this was a pleasant experience to have his sperm in her mouth. She swallowed most of it on the next up stroke but she could taste it until he had deflated to the point he could not hold it rigid.

She rolled over, onto her knees and pulled her dress up over her head and lay back down, her head on his stomach and with out discussion began to masturbate. It was different not being alone, more focused, and as she had become fully aroused again well before he had ejaculated it did not take long for her to have an orgasm so strong her body shook like she was having a seizure. When it was past, she was done. One was all she needed and one was all she could do.

Tommy became active before she was ready. Evidently he was hard again and ready to continue. She was done though. As kindly as she could she said “That was great, but I’m done for now.” And she stood and pulled her dress back over her head before opening the door.

On the floor on the in front of the couch was Millie on all fours, with Bill behind her, covered with sweat, stroking for all he was worth. I looked just like one of the drawings in her book. She knew she should be embarrassed, but she wasn’t, she was intrigued to see how it is done in person. She watched his hands gripping her waist with obvious intensity. His arms, shoulders and abs all were in strenuous motion and the resultant effort had brought up a glistening coat of sweat that made his body shine.

With each stroke all the way in, she watched Millie’s thighs push back into his incoming thrust to make an impact hard enough to fill the room with a resounding snap as their bodies collided. The collision caused her big breasts to jump forward and drive out a small breath from Millie’s lungs. Bits of sweat flew from both of their bodies and the their intensity filled the room. All told it was a much more athletic and a more violent vision of sex than she had ever imagined.

She stood watching for some time. She assumed neither Millie nor Bill knew she was watching, but without prior acknowledgment of her presence, Millie said, “How was Tommy?” Only then did she, motion for Bill to stop, looked up and smiled. Bill sat back against the side of the couch.

Now Brenda was embarrassed, she’d been watching her friend have sex like some lecherous old man. She began moving toward the door on the other side of the room. Walking, she said, “Really, good. A real eye opener.”

Millie stood and met Brenda at the door. For a reason she could not explain, now she was very embarrassed. Her friend pulled the door open, while still completely nude. Bill, another friend, sat against the side of the couch, equally naked, with his full erection very visible. She’s just implied she’d had sex with Tommy, though she had not. She just wanted to leave. She was sure her face showed that to Mille.

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” Millie said with a voice of concern.

“OK,” Brenda replied and was out of the apartment.

She was filled with conflicting thoughts and emotions. Was she such a different person than the one who she had been the first 33 years of her life. She knew, with certainty she would be in bed with other men. She was also sure this was the last time she’d be with a man and not have full sex. What did that mean? Was she depraved, or had she been deprived? She didn’t have any answer.

She was glad the kids were not down when she got home, so she did not have to say anything to Jennifer other than a vague reference that she’d had a very good time, which was indeed true.

* *

The next day at lunch, Millie, Jennifer and Bill pounced, and evidently news traveled fast because the big round table was filled with an additional three girls from their rotating lunch group.

Jennifer stared right off, “OK, what happened last night. You said it was great but Bill says Tommy said you guys didn’t do it.”

Fortunately Brenda wasn’t blindsided, Millie had told her as much as they walked and she had given herself the ten minute walk to compose an answer. She arranged took a bite of her burger and deliberately made the others wait until she’d swallowed. “I guess his definition of doing it and mine are a bit different. And it hurts me that he seems to say I was not worth remembering, but at the time he seemed to be enjoying himself.” Her hurt was a bit over played as Millie had mentioned that he was very complimentary about what she had done, but he had noted that they did not have intercourse.

Bill jumped in, “Oh, he went on and on about the most amazing head he’d ever had.”

“Really?” she replied. “What did he say?”

“He said your deep throat was like nothing he’d ever experienced.”

“Deep throat? Like Bernstein’s source at the White House?” she inquired. She thought she had an idea of what the term meant in this case, but compliments of her sexual skill was something she wanted to hear.

“Like the X-rated movie,” Jennifer explained. “Taking a guy’s dick all the way in your mouth; most girls can’t do it. I’ve only done it once and that was on this guys in high school who had the littlest dick I’d ever seen.”

Darleen, the pretty blond who had joined them for lunch, added, “I can assure you he is not small.” A few laughs later Jennifer said, “Did you really take it all in over and over like he said?”

“Isn’t that how I was supposed to do it?” Brenda asked, a bit surprised she had done something unusual.

Darleen again spoke up, “If you can, it’s super groovy. But, a guy that size rarely has a girl that can do it even once to him. I couldn’t.”

Millie cut in, “Why don’t you just tell us what happened?”

She had rehearsed this part in her mind, “When, we went into your bedroom we kissed for a while, then I took down his pants. His penis was very nice looking. Not that I’ve seen very many.” That line got the laughs she was hoping to get “I got it all wet by kissing and licking then I did what I thought was normal, but I guess from what your saying it isn’t. I put it all in my mouth. I really liked the way I could feel and taste it. And when I stared having sex with him that way it was like nothing I’d ever done before. I could feel every response he made. I was more involved and in control that I ever have when my husband lies on top of me and puts it in my pussy.” That word was not in her normal vocabulary but she was trying to sound hip.

Jennifer asked, “Now when you say you had sex that way, what do you mean? I don’t think your using the same words we use.”

“Oh,” Brenda said. “I just meant that I started taking almost all of it out of my mouth, then going down till it was all the way in: like we were having regular sex, but in my mouth. Like I said, I really liked doing that, and I could tell he did too.”

“I bet he did,” Tommy agreed. “If you want a second try, I’m right here.”

Jennifer elbowed him “Normally girls just do the top half or so that way. I don’t think I know anyone who can do the whole thing.”

The others at the table nodded in agreement.

“Well, after a while did start doing it that way. I just couldn’t do it fast when I took it all in, so as I sped up I took less in. By the time he climaxed I was going really fast but just doing the top part.”

“What did you do when he came?” Vicky, a tall athletic red head, asked

“I kept it up. I was enjoying myself, why should I quit just because he squirts.”

“But what did you do with the stuff?” the red-head persisted.

“I didn’t do anything with it. There wasn’t all that much. I guess I swallowed a good bit of it right off, the rest I just kept in my mouth to add to the fun. Was that unusual too? I mean the book seemed to indicate that was normal to enjoy the taste and let it last.”

Millie added to the others “She’s been reading The Joy of Sex.” Then to Brenda she said “For some women, like me, yea, its normal. But for women coming from your background I guess it’s just a bit of a surprise.”

Was she wanton? Was she some sort of harlot in waiting? Was she like someone who was predisposed to being an alcoholic having their first bender? Even more of a concern was that she wasn’t sure she cared.

It was two weeks before she again had opportunity to have sex, real full sex, with someone other than her husband. This time Mike had the kids and she’d gone to a study- night before an exam in her Pre-Columbian Culture and Religion course. There were four of them that came to study in the apartment that red-headed Vicky shared with her boyfriend. The other two girls left after two hours of serious work, but Vicky asked Brenda to stay for some wine (for which Brenda had also developed a taste), with she and her boyfriend Kevin. When she began to leave Vicky asked casually “Do you have time for some play time with me and Kevin. In bed I mean, play with us in bed.”

She was taken completely off guard, and flattered. Vicky was young and pretty and her boyfriend was extremely handsome. She felt her body respond, saying yes nearly immediately. But her mind still had to process this. Was she ready to have sex with this man while Mike was at home babysitting? It seemed different with him at home rather than in some distant part city. “Wow, I’m flattered. I really sounds tempting,” she said with genuine appreciation for the offer, but still buying time to think.

She downed one more swallow from the bottom of her wine glass. He was really attractive, but she looked to the clock it was past 8:00. She assured Mike she would be home by 8:00 to put the kids to sleep. “Damn the time.” She rarely cursed but she really did want Vicky to know she wasn’t blowing off her offer. “I really, I mean really, would love to take you up on your offer, but I’ve got to get home to get the kids in bed. My husband is a good provider, but not much of a babysitter. Can I take a rain check on that offer, next time we can just cut the study time short?”

At 3:00 AM that night, she found herself stretched out on the couch masturbating while her husband slept. She imagined all the things she would do with Vicky and her boyfriend. Millie had spoken of manage-a-trios in positive terms on several occasions. Now Brenda climaxed three times imagining one.

Though she had several other rather explicit offers for sex over the next few weeks a rolling case of strep throat at home brought her mommy role back to the forefront. It was the second week in April when she finally became the adulteress. It had been raining progressively harder all morning and she had parked on the far parking lot. By the time class let out the rain was coming in sheets. Billy offered to get his truck and pick her up at the door of the classroom building and driver her to her car. Even as she slid onto the bench seat of his old Ford pick-up, she visualized herself going down on him.

When they found her car and he pulled the old truck in an open space two cars from her own, the rain was coming harder than ever. Less than half joking she asked leaning over toward him “And what can I do for you to show how much I appreciate this?”

“I don’t know” he said running his hand across his crotch “I’m sure there is something you could do”

She was afraid her hands would tremble and give away her nervous anticipation as she reached and placed her hand on the bulge in his Levis. She was not surprised to find the shaft below very firm. “and will Jennifer object if I give you a very personal thank you?”

“Other than the fact she really wants to see how you do it, she want mind.” He said and began unbuckling his pants.

Without further words she helped him take off his pants and underwear. For a second time, she held a penis in her hand and considered how to make love to it. He had wedged himself against he door and seat giving her better access to his lap. It was rather dark and the rain on the roof was making a steady din. The head of his penis was bigger than Tommy’s had been . She wrapped her lips around it and suckled gently. Her hand felt up and down the shaft.

She thought about licking it as she had Tommy’s but given her cramped quarters that was not possible. Instead she just took it slowly down in her mouth. As it was dry, it took several warm up rounds to get enough saliva on it to take it all the way in. As before, she let herself focus all her being on the act of taking the penis in her body. He tasted and smelled a little different. She wondered would every man be different or were there like categories of penises.

She took her time. Her arousal build as her head moved up and down in Billy’s lap. His enjoyment was evident in his vocalizing, but he made no effort to rush her. She soon tasted the spittle coming from the tip of the shaft. She wished she was on a bed so she could get naked and try to get herself off while she did him. That was not possible and she would not let this day go without feeling him between her other lips.

The rain had slacked some when she rose up and kissed him. She sat up and pulled her bottom off the seat, and slid her panties off under her mini-skirt. She wasn’t sure exactly how she would do this but she rolled around and used the gun rack as a handled to pull herself up, knees in the seat facing the rear window.

With a little finesse she cleared the long shift lever and pressed her stomach into his chest, with the steering wheel at her back. With the left hand holding the gun rack, she lifted the front of her skirt with the right hand and reaching down, she found his penis. It took a little work, but she soon could feel her little lips wrapped around the big head. She closed her eyes and concentrated on what was happening out of her view, underneath her.

It took a combination of spreading her thighs, and arching her back up against the steering wheel to press his shaft into her. Once she was down to his thighs she stopped and took in the moment. The quiet fullness was oddly satisfying. She could see a few people scurrying through the parking lot in the moderate rain. No one seemed to take any notice of the blue truck or what was happening inside to fog up the windows. She nuzzled into the side of his head. “you feel good” she said in his ear.

She waned to move on him, but there just was not room. She wanted to do this, but how?

After she just couldn’t make it work she leaned back against the steering wheel so she could look him in the face. “OK, I give up. How do you do this. I can’t move.”

He smiled “I think your doing great. But here.” He said indicating she should dismount. She did. He pulled his pants from the floorboard and tossed them over her shoulder “Put that on there and lay your head against it.

She lay back and he lifted her left foot until it rested on the top of the bench sheet. Her right leg spilled down toward the floorboard. The only time in her life she’d been this exposed was for her obstetrician. Rather than getting on top of her as she expected, as her husband would have done, he knelt and scooped her up, guiding his penis into her as she lifted her hips up to meet his. With foot wedged against the base of the floor mounted shifter as leverage, he was able to begin and maintain a rhythm of two or three inch deep strokes. Each one ending in the same ‘smack’ he had heard him do to Millie.

The experience was like nothing she had imagined in her endless hours of fantasy and masturbation in the past months. Unexpected, but it was not disappointing. She began counting the cadence. After fifty she finally believed that he could and would keep this up as long as he chose. From one corner of her mind came the first thought that maybe her husband Mike also kept it up as long as he chose, but only chose to do it for three minutes at a time.

A loud crash of thunder and a nearly simultaneous burst of light caused them both to jump; her up-right and he, back to the far door. Their fright led to laughter and their laughter to renewed passion. She never did remember who initiated the removal of his and her remaining cloths, but as their kisses and caresses proceeded, they were soon both in the nude. She delighted in stroking his penis with her hand as his lips coursed over her bare breasts.

Somehow she knew it was the last act when she found herself on her hands and knees, and Billy griping her ass, pressing his organ back into her. It felt so good. She knew couples did it ‘doggie’ but until his penis began pressing up against the front wall of her vagina she did not understand it’s special draw. She could feel him take fell complete head to base revolutions. She could exquisitely feel the ridge of the head first push down on the sensitive fore-wall, then arc up ending pressed right up onto her cervix. Unhurried, but with out lethargy, he worked his tool in her.

Her eyes were closed and she was so close to a climax, so close but just couldn’t make the final assent. No matter; from her loins radiated an electric current that ran to her toes, fingers and brain. It had taken until she was in her thirties but she knew with out a doubt, this was why people loved having sex. This was the bliss she’d read about and she’d heard her new friends describe. Yes, she had already learned to climax, but this was the proper and full way of getting prepared.

Her nirvana like state was penetrated, not broken, but penetrated by a bump she could feel on the door which her left hand was propped to prevent her from hitting her head each time Billy’s hips hit hers.

Her eyes opened but it took a moment for the vision to make sense. Outside, the rain had significantly eased and the clouds not so dark. A red Mustang had replaced the blue van that had been there when she and Billy had begun. When had the van left of the new car arrived? The door of the new car was open against the door of Billy’s truck. A man she did not recognized was just standing beside the door. His eyes looked directly into hers. He looked surprised, and then smiled, then he was gone. Clearly he’d seen everything going on in the truck’s cab. Even this intrusion did not break her arousal.

Billy on the other hand sped up his pace as soon as the man had gone. In short order he felt him grip her thighs very hard and hold himself all the way in her. His hips still pressed but their bodies did not separate until he fell backward, panting hard. She stayed on all fours for a few moments imagining Billy’s semen insider her: inside Mike’s private domain. It was his private domain no longer. Her womb was hers to do with as she wished. And today she’d wished to have it filled with Billy’s seed. Though her body was still in a state of arousal; her heart burst with pride and a sense of accomplishment.

Sure, she was cold, uncomfortable and a little embarrassed; but she was mostly proud of the fact she’d actually gone through with it this time. Twice before in the past month she’d had the opportunity and desire, but she just couldn’t, but this time, this time she would not go home feeling like a coward and a prude. She hadn’t climaxed, but she’d deal with that before the kids got home from school.

She was now a full member of the group. Every day from the time the kids left in the morning until they came home in the afternoon, she was a young, free woman. Free to do what she wanted with whom she wanted to do it.

But, in all her new found confidence was a nagging sense of guilt. By spring break she’s had that second study session with Vicky, and the ensuing romp in the bed with she and Vicky’s boyfriend. It was not the fact she was now non-monogamous, but rather that she was living a life of hypocrisy. In the evenings and weekends and especially on Sunday’s she professed to be something she was not, something she no longer believed in.

Was this the beginning of her life as a modern woman, or was it the end of her life of quite happy stability? Maybe it would be both, but she was now ready to grasp her future with her own hands. Come what may, it would be her decisions that brought success or failure, not the whims of chance, the creed of the church or the expectations of her community.