The Teller’s Tale – Mild Office

After 6 years of working tech support for a Fortune 500 company in the IT Department I got canned. I knew it was coming. I wasted no time moping. I took an interim position at a local bank. That’s right, as a teller. It would tide me over until one of my resumes struck paydirt.

The bank got a bonus. I fixed all their petty computer glitches. The kind that are bound to pop up when you have a bunch of ditzy broads using high tech equipment.

I’m not just being chauvinistic. It’s true. These women routinely repeated the same stupid mistakes over and over again.

Pat’s window, for example, had to be closed twice in one week because her computer was down. She called to have a tech sent out when it was only a loose cable (TWICE). I decided to volunteer my services the next time it happened.

When I fixed it the third time I asked Pat, “Pat, I realize this area is cramped. It’s hard not to trip over this stuff but couldn’t you at least check to see if all the system needs is to be plugged back in before you call in a trouble ticket?”

“Oh, I could never touch any of the hardware.” She said. Her eyes frightened at the thought of it. “I might really screw something up. I’m a klutz with computers.”

Mack, our boss, just rolled her eyes at me in sympathy. Mack, short for Mackenzie I guess, was the head teller and manager and all around top dog. If a decision had to be made, she was the one that made it. She didn’t get paid much more than anyone else, she just got all the responsibility. She needed to be in charge. She had that kind of personality.

I was glad. She wasn’t the bossy type. She simply told a person what was expected of them and made them do it.

Mack expected tellers to maintain accounts not computers. She learned long ago that there was no use trying to get the girls to become more tech savvy. After all, they were hired as bank tellers, not computer whizzes. She cut her losses; content to let them act out their passive/aggressive tendencies in the area of computer maintenance as long as their counts were good at the end of the day.

So that’s how I started helping out with the system.

The girls struck a delicate balance between respecting my ability on the one hand and treating me as their personal tech peon on the other. The girls often stood at their windows doing paperwork while I was under the counter, on my knees right in front of them. You can imagine the remarks.

As usual, there was an inverse proportion as to the attractiveness of the person making the remark and the sexual crudeness of it.

“Hey, Pam,” Pat might say as I worked under Pam’s counter. “Are you sure Joe’s not done with the wiring and just grabbing a snack down there? You look awfully contented.”

In fact, Pat ran her mouth 90% more than anyone else and it was much worse when I crawled under HER window. She could get graphic if there were no customers around. Too bad she was so homely. The other girls would, at most, just say thanks and insinuate that they would do ‘something’ for me sometime but, with Pat, it got to be a bit much.

Finally Pat caught me on a bad day. As I came up from under her station she said (thinking she was so witty) “Was it good for you?”

I just frowned and said, “You know Pat, one of these days I might just give you a thrill and then what? I bet you’d faint.”

Pat turned white. Her co-workers snickered but I think they wanted to cheer from the looks on their faces. Mack happened to be out on the floor so she heard it too, though she acted like she was deaf.

“Mack,” Pat implored. “Did you hear what he said to me? Are you going to let him get away with that?”

Mack walked over to Pat and took Pat’s right hand in both of her own. Speaking warmly as she rubbed Pat, she said. “Well, Patricia, maybe you’d better either grow up” Mack paused here to let Pat see she wasn’t being sarcastic. “or keep your mouth shut.” Then she walked away while giving me a look that said, “I liked the way you handled that but don’t make a habit of it.”

And that set the stage for what was to come.

++

One day we had a problem that led me to the connection in Mack’s office. I was under her desk when she and Pam walked in.

“Either you want to eat me,” Mack was saying, “or you don’t.”

It seems I’d gotten so involved in my project that I’d lost track of time. Everyone had gone except Mack and Pam. I figured I’d better sit tight. Right now they both stood just inside the door. Maybe Mack would just grab her purse or something and then leave. I hoped so. After hearing what I heard I couldn’t come out now.

“Don’t treat me like Pat.” Pam said. “I’m not some frustrated housewife.”

“Then don’t act like it.” Mack leveled back.

Pam was no frump that was for sure. She was just out of college and the closest thing to a “Hot Babe” that our little workplace had to offer. Tall, slender and athletic she had men drooling over her all day long.

Mack wasn’t a bad looking woman herself. But I could never get myself to think of her in that way, you know? Like a sex object. See? And you thought I was a chauvinist. But I’m not. I respected Mack. I liked the way she ran things. She had an Alpha sensibility without the aggression.

She understood that there was a right way to do things and that’s how she wanted them done. She didn’t hesitate to correct people when necessary but when she was done she was DONE. No grudges. And when she talked to you there was always a note of warmth in her voice no matter how angry she might be.

She appreciated that I stepped up and offered my services but she never commented on it. We had a mutual respect thing going on.

Maybe that’s why I never thought of her as a sex object. But, really, she had the goods. In heels, she must be 5′ 10” and though her body was nothing spectacular she kept herself trim. And she always wore a nice suit with a skirt. And she always held herself upright, not in an uptight way, but as a sign of respect for herself. It gave people a good impression. A young girl can slouch around and make it look sexy but once you’re past thirty-five good posture goes a long way.

“I thought it would be fun to go down on you.” Pam said. “But you suck the all the fun out of it when everything doesn’t go exactly your way. I gotta go.”

“Well. Later, then.” Mack started to reply as she walked behind her desk.

I don’t know if she saw me first but I think she did because she didn’t flinch when I said, “Hello?”

“Hi, Joe. How’s it going down there? I didn’t realize you were here.”

“Yeah. We had a problem out front and I traced it back to here. I’ve been here a while. I didn’t know everyone left already. ”

“Not everyone.” She said, looking down on me from her chair. “I’m still here. And I’m sure you heard Pam?”

“Oh, yeah.” I admitted. “I won’t say anything.”

“I figured you wouldn’t. But I’m not too concerned about it.” Mack said nonchalantly. “Are you about done? I was going to make a pot of coffee. Would you like a cup?”

“Sure. I’ll just be a minute.”

Mack went to the lunch room and I finished up and joined her as she finished getting the coffee cups together. She turned to face me as I took a seat at the table. She leaned back on the counter waiting for the coffee to brew.

“I like the way you do things, Joe. If something needs to be done you do it. I don’t even have to ask. I like that. The girls all whine if I so much as asked them to stay 5 minutes to correct something they messed up. But you take it upon yourself to stay after when it isn’t even your problem. In fact, you look for things to fix. You’re a boss’s dream.” She held my gaze like she was going to say something more but decided against it.

“And…”

“Not ‘and’, Joe ‘or’. I’m starting to think like the others now. I was thinking ‘Or were you under my desk ’cause you wanted something? It’s not your fault but once you started crawling underneath things and drawing comments from Pat the whole subject of sex –or more specifically ‘going down’ — has been OUT THERE – if you know what I mean.”

The coffee was done brewing and she busied herself pouring us each a cup and bringing them over to the table. She sat down across from me and continued.

“Did you notice how Pam’s been giving me the eye ever since Pat started baiting you?”

“No.” I said, and I wasn’t lying.

“Really?” Mack thought for a second and seemed to be a little relieved. “I thought it was obvious. Well that’s good.”

“You see,” she went on. “I had the same attitude toward Pam as you did with Pat – you did hear us as we came in didn’t you… you know what I’m talking about?” “Yes.” I told her. “Well, I think that you and I think alike.” She took a sip of her coffee. “It was like you would have gone down on Pat just to shut her up, not like it would’ve been any big deal, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “That’s pretty much how I felt.” “Well I’m no lesbian, but, on the other hand, I don’t really think it’s such a big deal either. Pam thought she was being so adventurous with me; to even hint on how much she’d love to go down on me. I thought she was kidding but I guess at college she experimented quite a bit. She kept bringing that up. As though she was sexually superior to me. I haven’t had any sex in a long time. That’s true. And I guess it’s no secret. But she got the impression I’m afraid of sex or something. She’s just so immature.” Mack looked earnestly at me. “Don’t you think so, Joe?”

“Yeah. I know. You’re right.”

“So we were standing here and I was about to make coffee (I have to stay late and clear up some loose ends) and so, naturally enough, I asked her if she wanted some. She said, ‘I want some alright…but not coffee.’ So there it was again. But this time I called her on it.”

“What happened?”

“I just said, ‘Come and get it.’ She acted like she was really up for it. But when she came up to me and kissed me (just a peck really) she was in slow motion. She had this dumb smirk on her face, I guess it was supposed to be a smile, and she hesitated every time she moved so much as an inch.”

“After waiting a minute or two for her to get to it I just up and walked off, which is where you heard us in my office.” Mack was exasperated. “It took her forever to get on her knees. And when she did, instead of going down on me, she starts looking off into space before running her hand down my leg to my ass. I mean at that rate…(she just rolled her eyes).

“It wasn’t like foreplay, it was like she was stalling for time. I was ready. I dropped my panties and put my feet in two different zip codes for her. I did everything but mash her face in it. I figured she really didn’t want to do it. But after that… well you heard her…I don’t know what to think.”

I kind of chuckled.

“That’s just the way most chicks are.” I said. “They’re naturally submissive. It’s hardwired into them. They aren’t assertive when it comes to sex, no matter how bold they TALK. They hold back unless their partner takes control. They need to be controlled.”

Mack sat back and glared at me with mock anger.

“Joe, HELLO, I’m a woman. Didn’t you notice? What the hell do you mean we’re not assertive?”

“Not you, Mack. You’re the exception that proves the rule. You know exactly ‘what’, ‘how’ and ‘why’ you want things done and then you make sure people get them done. Bam. No hemming and hawing about it. That’s why I like working for you so much. You’re the best boss I ever had.”

“Well, thanks. I guess.” She seemed a little bewildered. “So I’m the exception to the rule huh? How, exactly, is that?”

I got up and poured another cup of coffee and brought pot over and poured Mack a warm-up as I talked.

“Come on, Mack. You know what I mean. You see the way these women play it all coy and helpless and whatnot over the computer system. Pat’s the worst, but they ALL do it. You aren’t like that and I’ll bet you never were like that. In fact I KNOW it. You keep it all together here. You keep everything under control. And you do it better, more efficiently, and in a more organized manner than anybody I’ve ever worked for. Believe me, you’re the exception all right. In more ways than one. You’re the kind of boss guys like me like to work for.” I smiled.

“Guys like you, huh?”

“Yeah.” I remained standing after replacing the pot on the counter. Just shooting the breeze with Mack, casually.

“I don’t get it, Joe.” Mack mused. “Pat sure seemed assertive when she was teasing you.”

“Right.” I agreed. “Because she controlled the situation with her feminine wiles, so to speak. Same as Pam. Once the tables were turned all bets were off.”

“Hmm.” Mack thought about it, “I guess…. I wonder….”

“What?”

“What is it that gives you such insight into women?” Mack asked. “How do you know so much about what we think?”

“Huh?”

“You seem to have the inside track. Or maybe it’s more of a submissive thing.” Something seemed to click in Mack’s mind. “That day you snapped at Pat, you weren’t really angry, were you? You were frustrated? Right? Sexually.”

“Huh?”

“You wanted her to stop kidding and be serious. You wanted her to treat you like the bitch you are, eh Joe? Why else would you keep on volunteering? It wasn’t your job. You didn’t need to kneel down for these women. You wanted to. You were disappointed when Pat called me over. You were hoping she’d throw it back at you like I did to Pam. Isn’t that right, Joe?”

My mind went blank.

Mack continued, “You asked her what would happen if you went down on her. You told her she’d probably faint. You wanted her to say, “Try me.” Didn’t you, Joe? You’d of loved to lick on Pat right then and there while she gave the others a running account of your performance. Isn’t that so, Joe?”

“You’re crazy.”

“Oh, I am, am I?” She had me dead to rights and she knew it. I didn’t know it till that very second but I think what Mack said was true. I was excited by her accusation. “In plain english, you want to be the office Bitch don’t you, Joe?”

“No.” I told her. And that was truth. I didn’t want to be the office bitch.

“I want to be your Bitch.”

Mack smiled. A simple understated smile of complete confidence and total authority. I nearly crumpled under the realization of what was about to happen. She sat back and put her feet in two different zip codes for me and said simply, “Come and get it.”